White Powder Found Near Site of Super Bowl XLVIII

Department of Justice

Department of Justice

(Carlstadt, NJ) – Guests at several hotels near East Rutherford’s MetLife Stadium, the site of Sunday’s Super Bowl, reported finding “suspicious” white powder. Two of the hotels are located in Carlstadt; another is in East Rutherford; and a fourth is in Rutherford. Another sighting was reported at the Manhattan office of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R-NY).

The stunning find led officers from the FBI to investigate, in addition to local police authorities, a bomb squad, and a hazmat team. All told, officials produced 27 8″×10″ color glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one.

In the end, it looks like the calls to officials were made by out-of-town guests attending the Super Bowl. Hailing from warm-weather cities, they had apparently never seen snow before, and New Jersey has seen its share of snow this winter.

“We’re sorry anyone panicked,” said one of the guests at the Rutherford hotel, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But you can’t be too careful nowadays. And your weather phenomena frighten and confuse me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think they’re serving food in the lounge. I don’t want to miss out on that!”