EU to US: Drop Dead

Department of State

Department of State

(Berlin, Germany) – Another day, another scandal for the United States involving Europe. Once again, Germany has been targeted. And who knows what bad things could happen if you antagonize Germany?

On February 6, a video on YouTube surfaced providing audio of Victoria Nuland say “[explicative] the EU,” referring to the European Union’s efforts to calm tensions in Ukraine.

Nuland is the top US diplomat for Europe.

Reaction from some EU members was swift and savage. A spokesman for German Chancellor Angela Merkel, speaking on condition of anonymity, called Nuland’s remarks “unacceptable.”

Other EU members called for an immediate halt to negations with the US over a transatlantic free-trade deal. And some more radical elements called for kicking the US out of NATO. “If the US has such a low opinion of Europeans, then they can go [explicative] themselves,” said a spokesman for the radical elements, speaking on condition of anonymity.

This incident has only exacerbated tensions between the US and Europe because of the recent revelations of US wiretapping of foreign nations, including Merkel and other top officials in countries allied with the US.

In a twist on the National Security Agency’s (NSA) wiretapping initiatives, the audio contained in the YouTube video appears to have been gleaned by Russian efforts to wiretap US officials. Top Russian officials had no comment, though a lower-level Russian official said “neenerneenerneener!” through a spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

For her part, Nuland issued a heartfelt apology to the EU – through a spokesman. “She regrets how this looks, but EU members and citizens must know that her remarks were taken out of context,” said a State Department spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I mean, it’s not like she insulted Canada. They’re not even a real country.”