Tax Reform Gives Boehner the Blahs

Internal Revenue Service

Internal Revenue Service

(Washington, DC) – Perhaps the rabid Tea Partyists within his own party are to blame. Or his inability to make President Obama irrelevant. Or his 40+ failed attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act (also known as Obamacare). Or a stroke brought on by his chain-smoking. Whatever the reason, Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) has taken to speaking gibberish.

On Wednesday, House Republicans released their long-awaited plan for reforming the nation’s tax code. Authored by Representative Dave Camp (R-MI), the proposal would have the current seven tax brackets reduced to two. And while many organizations have concluded that most Americans would not see much of a difference in their tax bills, the ones that would see the biggest change would be corporations, millionaires, and billionaires; their tax rates would drop from 39.6% to 25%.

John Boehner (R-OH)

John Boehner

Predictably, the White House has little appetite for a fight over tax reform, especially in an election year. Even though the Obama administration would like to reduce the corporate tax rate from 39.6%, it says it refuses to do so on the backs of middle-class Americans.

“Middle-class Americans are being squeezed,” said a White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “The tax exemptions that would be eliminated in [Camp’s] plan amount to a tax hike on average, ordinary, middle-class Americans, even if their tax rates drop. This is nothing but a poorly disguised attempt to give more tax breaks to the rich and famous.”

White House officials also fear the plan is a way to continue to slash the ranks of the Federal civil service workforce. “Simplifying that tax code means less staff needed at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS),” said an IRS spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “The plan is nothing but a job-killer. I mean, who doesn’t like the IRS?”

Dave Camp (R-MI)

Dave Camp

But the most striking reaction came from Boehner. When questioned by reporters about the substance of Camp’s proposal, he simply answered, “Blah, blah, blah, blah.”

“Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah,” explained a Boehner spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!”

Many Boehner critics were elated at his comments. “It’s the most sense he’s made in all his years in Congress!” exclaimed a Boehner critic, speaking on condition of anonymity.