No Information but Misinformation about Malaysian Airlines MH370

National Transportation Safety Board

National Transportation Safety Board

(Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia) – The search for Malaysian Airlines MH370 continues. Missing since March 8, it seems that the only thing searchers have found are new theories about the plane’s disappearance. And those theories, trickling out at a maddening pace, seem to multiply by the hour.

Representatives from Boeing and the United States National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) are in Kuala Lumpur to provide assistance to the Malaysian government and the airline.

Headed for China, the Boeing 777 took off with 239 people aboard. About an hour later, the plane suddenly disappeared from radar, its transponder having gone dark. No further information was available.

Oh, wait.

An oil slick in the Gulf of Thailand was soon spotted after the plane’s disappearance. However, the oil was tested and found not to be jet fuel. The search area was expanded. And no further information was available.

Oh, wait.

Vietnam spotted debris. However, upon closer inspection, the debris turned out to be trash or wood, not parts of a disintegrated, sunken jumbo jet. The search area was expanded. Again. And no further information was available.

Oh, wait.

Malaysia Airlines Boeing 777

Malaysia Airlines
Boeing 777

On March 9, China used its satellites and found “three suspected floating objects” in the “suspected crash area” – but didn’t report or post photographs of the objects until March 11. As it turned out, the objects were not remnants of MH370. The search area was expanded. Again. And no further information was available.

Oh, wait.

Upon further review of the radar records, the plane – or blips masquerading as the plane – seemed to have adjusted its course. The search area was expanded. Again. And no further information was available.

Oh, wait.

Reports surfaced that the plane’s engines were active for one hour after its disappearance from radar. The search area was expanded. Again. And no further information was available.

Oh, wait.

The latest reports indicate that the plane’s engines were active for as many as four hours after its disappearance from radar. The search area has been expanded. Again. And may expand west into the Indian Ocean. And no further information is available.

“We know this is frustrating,” said a NTSB spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We know that all theories can’t be right, but some of them aren’t necessarily wrong, either. We’re committed to keep searching until we find that plane. And until we do, we’ll keep spewing unfounded rumors and theories so networks like CNN can keep reporting 24/7 on topics for which there’s nothing to report.”

While the search for MH370 goes on, and may go on for days, if not weeks, the NTSB was able to report some good news on a somewhat related note.

“We’ve found the SS Minnow,” said a NTSB spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s been missing since 1964. This is a big deal. Unfortunately, it looks like the complement of seven has been lost. But along with the deceased, we found a functioning nuclear power plant built from bamboo and coconut shells. Too bad they couldn’t patch a three-foot hole in their boat.”

The NTSB also reported a 76-year-old mystery has finally been solved. “Also, we’ve found Amelia Earhart – alive,” continued the NTSB spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “She seems to be in great shape, and doesn’t look a day over 116.” Earhart’s Lockheed Electra disappeared on July 2, 1937.

Advertisements