Mapping a Strategy for Ukraine

Department of Education

Department of Education

(Shelton, CT) – Many Americans want their government to intervene in the Crimea crisis in Ukraine. However, polling suggests the ones who are most gung-ho for intervention are the ones who have no idea where Ukraine is located.

A recent poll taken by Survey Sampling International Inc. (SSI) – headquartered in Shelton, Connecticut – revealed that one in six Americans surveyed knew where Ukraine is located. The were also the Americans least likely to favor military intervention.

On the other hand, the other moderately or strongly favored America’s involvement in Ukraine. The countries incorrectly identified as Ukraine included (but were not limited to):

  • Afghanistan
  • Argentina
  • Australia
  • Brazil
  • Canada
  • England
  • Finland
  • France
  • Germany
  • Greenland
  • Iceland
  • India
  • Italy
  • Kenya
  • Libya
  • Madagascar
  • Norway
  • Saudi Arabia
  • South Africa
  • Spain
  • Sweden

Respondents also put Ukraine in Alaska and Florida.

“This shows a complete failure in the public schools in the United States,” said a Tea Partyist spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And that’s precisely why the Department of Education [ED] needs to be removed from existence and replaced with a voucher system. That way, every school is free to teach what it wants, with no standardization. After all, an uninformed electorate is one that will keep us in office. Forever.”

Democrats, who generally favor the Department of Education, fired back, saying the ⅚ were proctored by Tea Partyists. “They were shown a map featuring President Obama’s (D-IL/Kenya) face in the middle of Kenya,” said a Democratic Party spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Given the propaganda we’ve had to endure for more than six years, what ignorant tool wouldn’t link the president to Kenya?”