(Detroit, MI) – Malaysian Airlines MH370 disappeared six weeks ago. Its whereabouts are still unknown, but that hasn’t meant complete silence regarding the mystery. In fact, it’s been just the opposite.
Since then, it’s been six weeks of false leads. Six weeks of contradictory information. Six weeks of information leaking out piece by piece. Six weeks of searching in multiple countries and bodies of water, ranging from the Gulf of Thailand to Vietnam to Afghanistan to different sections of the Indian Ocean. Six weeks of watching CNN’s program “Patronizing Verbal Diarrhea with Wolf Blitzer” when there was absolutely nothing to report.
But new evidence suggests a breakthrough is imminent – for the umpteenth time – thanks to the misdeeds of one of America’s largest corporations.
In February, General Motors (GM) recalled 1.6 million vehicles due to faulty ignition switches. Inaction on GM’s part – for 13 years – led to at least 12 deaths and countless injuries. While waiting for the recall to be performed, drivers have been told to reduce the weight placed on the ignition by removing all keys from their key rings, except their ignition keys. Such weight can make the ignition switch malfunction, killing the car’s motor and, in some cases, its driver.
“It’s the most credible lead to date,” said a National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It all makes sense. The pilot’s key ring was too heavy, the plane lost power, killing its transponders and navigation system, forcing it to fly off-course for hours before finally disappearing somewhere.”
“We can corroborate the NTSB’s findings,” said a spokesman for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), speaking on condition of anonymity. “We’ve been following the GM recall, and their scenario is plausible. If only GM had issued their recall earlier!”
“Yes, we have looked at video footage,” said a spokesman for Malaysian Airlines, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We’ve seen [MH370 Captain Zaharie Ahmad] Shah’s key ring, and it was loaded. You name it, he had it. House keys. Car keys. Motorcycle keys. Keys to mother’s house. Keys to father’s house. Keys to deceased maternal grandparents’ house. Keys to dececeased paternal grandparents’ house. Keys to employee’s restroom. Keys to high school locker. Keys to roller skates. The list goes on and on. No wonder he was seeing a chiropractor!”