The School Shooting to Stop All School Shootings

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana

Columbine High School

Columbine High School

(Littleton, CO) – Littleton and the rest of America quietly marked the 15th anniversary of the Columbine High School Massacre. At least, those who even remembered it was the anniversary.

The incident, which put “school shootings” on the map for America, occurred when two seniors, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, went on a shooting rampage at the school, killing 12 students and one teacher, and wounding 21. When finished, each committed suicide.

During subsequent investigations by Federal, state and local authorities, bullying was determined to be at least partly responsible for the Harris/Klebold rampage.

“These kids were bullied incessantly,” said a spokesman for the Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI), speaking on condition of anonymity. “That appears why they formed ‘The Trench Coat Mafia’ and why they went after their peers.”

The incident became a rallying cry to stop school shootings. In the face of the National Rifle Association (NRA), this has proven impossible, and dozens of school shootings have occurred since:

School Shootings Since April 19, 1995, with 3+ Deaths (excluding suicidal shooter(s))
School Date Number
Columbine High School April 20, 1999 13
University of Arizona October 28, 2002 3
Red Lake Senior High School March 21, 2005 7
Virginia Tech April 16, 2007 32
Northern Illinois University February 14, 2008 5
Oikos University April 7, 2012 7
Sandy Hook Elementary December 14, 2012 27
Santa Monica College June 7, 2013 5
Department of Justice

Department of Justice

“We deplore these senseless shootings,” said a spokesman for the NRA, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But the bottom line is these shooters were well within their Constitutional rights. The Second Amendment guarantees that.

“As an added bonus, these school shooting sites seem to construct memorials to those who needlessly lost their lives. And that’s nice. Everyone loves memorials and tributes.”

The incident became a rallying cry to stop school bullying nationwide. Fifteen years later, bullying continues, now over the Internet as well as in schools. Some states are now holding the parents of bullies responsible for any harm they cause.

Department of Education

Department of Education

“We think we’ve done all we can to keep our children safe,” said a spokesman for the Department of Education (ED), speaking on condition of anonymity. “We lock them in their schools from morning ’til afternoon. We conduct drills to prepare for psychopathic murderers trolling the halls. And we ask that they refrain from bullying, harassing, or insulting anyone. Who could ask for more?”