Australian Injustice: Woman Loses License for Putting Cyclist in Hospital

Department of Transportation

Department of Transportation

(Port Fairy, Australia) – An Australian woman mowed down a cyclist last year, sending the victim to the hospital and nearly making him a paraplegic. She has since received two sentences for the incident, and the episode has elicited an outpouring of sympathy and support – for her.

On September 20, 2013, 21-year-old Kimberley Davis was driving to the supermarket. During the 25-minute drive, she used her cell phone to make 44 phone calls and send 22 text messages. The calls and texts abruptly ended when she came upon the cyclist and hit him.

The cyclist’s injuries included cuts, scrapes, and a spinal fracture, sending him to the hospital for a three-month stay, which included spinal surgery and placement in a spinal cage.

Davis’ “like, pretty expensive” car, on the other hand, suffered multiple dents, needing minor bodywork. Talking to the police several days after the accident, she simply could not believe she would be charged with anything, especially given the extent of her inconvenience.

“I just don’t care because I’ve already been through a lot of bull[explicative] and my car is, like, pretty expensive, and now I have to fix it. I’m kind of pissed off that the cyclist has hit the side of my car. I don’t agree that people texting and driving could hit a cyclist. I wasn’t on my phone when I hit the cyclist.”

“That’s the most absurd thing I’ve heard from an Australian since [Mel] Gibson’s anti-Semitic tirades,” said a spokesman for the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), speaking on condition of anonymity. “If texting and driving didn’t cause accidents, there wouldn’t be laws banning the practice.”

To Davis’ credit, she called emergency responders to the accident site. On the other hand, she parked more than 300 feet away from the injured cyclist, refusing to offer assistance.

“She’s, like, too good to go near the untouchables,” said Davis’ Best Friend Forever (BFF) acting as her spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I mean, like, all that blood and guts and screaming and stuff. Who needs it?

“Plus, like, the guy damaged her car. She shouldn’t be charged, he should be charged. Like, how dare he be on the road in her presence?!”

In the end, Davis was the only one to face charges: a $4,500 fine and the loss of her license until May 23, 2014. And, as most entitled 21-year-olds are wont to do, she took to Facebook to complain about her injustice. On April 14, a judge rewarded her Facebook outbursts by extending her license suspension by nine months, meaning Davis won’t be behind the wheel of her “like, pretty expensive” car until 2015.

But not if some of her “new friends” have anything to say about it.

At the urging of Davis’ BFF, a legal defense fund has been established by some of the world’s most upstanding celebrities who have known the sting of Driving Under the Influence (DUI) arrests:

Mischa Barton Lindsay Lohan
Justin Bieber Richard McCormick
David Cassidy Haley Joel Osment
Joyce DeWitt Nicole Richie
Paris Hilton Sally Struthers
Kelly LeBrock Rip Torn
Heather Locklear Mike Tyson

“She shouldn’t be subjected to an extended penalty,” said one of the DUI celebrities, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We know she wasn’t drunk, but we also know only the ‘untouchables’ should have to live by these penalties. We’re the ‘beautiful people’ and we need to stick together.”