NBA Blackout

Donald Sterling

Donald Sterling

(Los Angeles, CA) – It’s Racist Week in America.

Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling apparently didn’t want to be outdone by Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy. Earlier this week, Bundy made outrageously racist statements about African-Americans being better under slavery than Federal government assistance.

Sterling has come close to topping him. And while this story broke on April 25, an audio recording detailing his racism was made on April 9.

The National Basketball Association (NBA) owner became angry at his girlfriend, V. Stiviano, for posting a photo she had taken with basketball great (and African-American) Magic Johnson. More than the photo, Sterling seemed outraged that Stiviano would “promote” that she was “associating with black people.”

Sterling went on to say she should “not to bring them [African-Americans] to my games.” And he had choice words for Johnson, specially telling Stiviano she should not “bring him to my games.”

Aside from being a rabid racist, Sterling seems to be suffering from a severe case of Irony Impairment:

  • A majority of NBA players – including those on the Clippers – are African-American
  • Sterling hired Doc Rivers to be his head coach for the 2013-4 season; Rivers is African-American
  • Stiviano is both African-American and Mexican
Department of Justice

Department of Justice

Additionally, Sterling is Jewish, a fact not lost on African-American Reverend Jesse Jackson, who famously referred to New York City as “Hymietown” in 1984.

“Reverend Jackson thinks it’s pretty ironic that an African-American can’t slander Jews, but a Jew can slander African-Americans,” said a Jackson spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Jackson has called for a boycott of Clippers games.

Predictably, Sterling’s comments have prompted a backlash from other corners of American society – except the odds makers in Las Vegas, who are betting on the next chapter in the Sterling saga.

Many wonder if new NBA Commissioner Adam Silver will have the guts to stand up to Sterling and suspend him, fine him, or force him to sell the team. Or do nothing.

“Most of us say Silver will do nothing,” said a Las Vegas bookie, speaking on condition of anonymity. “This isn’t the first time Sterling has been accused of racism, and [Former NBA Commissioner David] Stern didn’t do anything to him. If Stern did anything for the NBA, he showed just how aloof the Commissioner of the National Basketball Association is. After all, he’s the one who declared there was ‘no drug problem’ in basketball.”

That’s not to say there isn’t enough Irony Impairment to go around:

  • African-American NBA star Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers stated he “couldn’t play” for Sterling. Bryant was accused of rape in 2003, so that’s probably OK with Sterling.
  • African-American NBA star LeBron James of the Miami Heat called Sterling’s comments “unacceptable.” Of course, there are those who would call James’ leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2010 for more money with the Miami Heat as unacceptable.
  • African-American former NBA star Magic Johnson will “never go to a Clippers game again as long as Donald Sterling is the owner.” Maybe Johnson doesn’t realize he’s giving Sterling exactly what he wants?
  • African-American NBA star Metta World Peace, formerly known as Ron Artest, said racism “is a mental health disease.” On November 19, 2004, as a member of the Indiana Pacers, Artest attacked a fan in the stands, earning a suspension for the rest of the 2004-5 season. Artest has his own “mental health disease” issues and perhaps should concentrate on himself.

Sterling’s friends, family, and supporters find themselves struggling to support someone caught showing such a hateful example of racism.

“I really don’t know,” said a family friend, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I guess he could be channeling [former Cincinnati Reds owner and racist] Marge Schott, but who knows?”

Other supporters include those who have supported Sterling in his hour of need. Former Imperial Wizard and Grand Dragon of the KKK Daniel Carver – no relation to George Washington Carver – seconded Sterling’s comments.

“It’s time to wake up, White people!” said Carver spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s America’s fault that we let these [explicative] become thugs and millionaires. The sooner we deal with the problem of filthy [explicative] [explicative] [explicative] [explicative] [explicative], the better off we’ll all be.”

In the meantime, the Federal government is looking into the matter. Department of Justice (DOJ) officials will try to determine if anyone’s civil rights have been violated, or if Sterling is simply a racist [explicative].