Isis vs. ISIS

Isis

Isis

(New York, NY) – The world has watched in horror and amazement as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) – a Sunni Islamic Fundamentalist group – has run roughshod through Iraq, capturing towns such as Aleppo, Fallujah, and Mosul, while forcing government forces to flee for their lives.

ISIS, an offshoot of Al-Qaeda, is deemed too radical even by Osama bin Laden’s standards.

But an American company is now challenging ISIS in a way it has never been challenged before, and it may spell the end of the group as a cohesive murdering machine.

CBS is suing ISIS for copyright infringement. At issue: the CBS television show The Secrets of Isis, which ran on Saturday mornings from September 1975 to September 1977.

“We feel that ISIS is slandering the good name of a classic television show we broadcast nearly 40 years ago,” said a CBS spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And we can’t have that. CBS stands for family values, which is why we currently air popular, wholesome shows such as Big Brother and Survivor. And who could forget the award-winning classics AfterMASH and Charles in Charge? That was our heyday!”

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) is fully backing the lawsuit.

CBS

CBS

“We strive to be fair,” said an FCC spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And when someone is infringing on an American network, we support legal action. If the infringement robs a billion-dollar corporation of as much as a dime, that’s one dime too many. After all, we can’t have them unable to replenish their coffers.”

There is a precedent for filing such a lawsuit. In 1981, following the resolution of the Iran Hostage Crisis, Iranian propagandists created the television show Barney the Jihadist. Based loosely on ABC’s Barney Miller, Iran’s version showed members of the country’s Revolutionary Guard instead of detectives and policemen. While those arrested during each episode were mostly Americans, they weren’t put in holding cells, but were rather executed by the end of each episode. Like Kenny McCormick of South Park fame, their deaths were varied and grisly.

ABC fought back, suing the Iranian government for libel and copyright infringement. While ABC won the lawsuit, it was next to impossible to collect any damages, since Iran and the United States cut off diplomatic relations in 1979. But ABC and Iran finally struck a bargain in which Iran would provide eight ideas for new television shows. The award-winning shows produced by ABC were:

Federal Communications Commission

Federal Communications Commission

  • America’s Funniest Home Videos
  • The Bachelor
  • The Brady Bunch Hour
  • Dancing with the Stars
  • Galactica 1980
  • I Married Dora
  • Joanie Loves Chachi
  • TJ Hooker

“It was a shrewd move by Iran,” said a television historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “They provided shows that were so horrible that they set back television entertainment by at least 20 years. The shows were nearly as demoralizing as the 444-day hostage standoff.”

Predictably, ISIS is fighting back against CBS’ lawsuit. It has threatened beheadings for executives and actors associated with CBS, as well as FCC regulators and employees. Additionally, it has threatened to violate copyright for some current CBS shows and create its own incarnations. Sadly, since ISIS favors Sharia law, none of its loyal subjects will be able to see the new shows, as they aren’t allowed to own televisions.

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