Where Will Obama’s Library Lie?

Barack Obama (D-IL/Kenya)

Barack Obama

(Norfolk, NE) – July 4th is a time for family and friends. It’s a time for cookouts, trips to the beach, and parades. And it’s a time to commemorate the founding of the United States of America; the country just turned 238.

Apparently, it’s also the time to slander the President of the United States by suggesting his future presidential library be an outhouse – at least, if it’s going to be located in Norfolk, NE.

Barack Obama Presidential Library (Norfolk, NE)

Barack Obama Presidential Library
Norfolk, NE

The feeding frenzy for the 14th presidential library has begun. And thanks to its July 4th parade, Norfolk has joined the fray.

A float in the parade featured an effigy of President Obama, dressed in overalls and holding onto a walker, standing outside the “Obama Presidential Library” outhouse.

The committee responsible for the parade approved the float and did not see any possible racist overtones.

“We believe in the First Amendment here,” said a parade committee spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “As long as there’s no nudity, no sex, no anti-Jesus references, and no insults to white people, folks can enter any float they want.

“We like white people here. Especially white Protestant people.”

Former Imperial Wizard and Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan Daniel Carver – no relation to George Washington Carver – threw his support behind the parade’s organizers.

Other more “legitimate” locations for hosting the Barack Obama Presidential Library and Museum include:

Location Why It’s A Candidate
University of Hawaii Obama grew up in HI. He went to school in HI. And building a library and archive in an area likely to be wiped out by volcanic activity or hurricane can’t be a bad choice. Can it?
Columbia University While unremarkably earning his BA from Columbia, the location would mean Obama and former President Bill Clinton (D-AR) could be lunch buddies.
University of Chicago
University of Illinois at Chicago
The Cubs. Da Bears. Deep-dish pizza. Rod Blagojevich. Who needs more?
Donald Trump

Donald Trump

Members of the Birther movement, made up of followers and supporters of real estate mogul Donald Trump, the father of their movement, have pushed for yet another location for the library: the University of Nairobi in Kenya.

“Everyone knows that Obama wasn’t born in the United States,” said a Birther spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “So it makes sense to locate the library where he’s from. Then he can have something to read when he goes home to visit!”

These slights come at the end of an extremely hurtful week for the Obama family. On June 30, 81-year-old celebrity shrill Joan Rivers called Obama “gay” and used the term “transgender” to describe First Lady Michelle Obama.

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

“Joan Rivers is an unexplainable, incomprehensible creature of nature,” said a White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “This one is new – we didn’t know she was homophobic.

“Quite frankly, we don’t put much faith in her musings, and we continue to be at a loss to explain her appeal – to anyone. Even Islamic Fundamentalist terrorists.

“And, as we say around the [James S.] Brady Press Briefing Room, ‘Sticks and stones may break your bones, but Joan Rivers is a psycho.'”