Billions to the Border

Barack Obama (D-IL/Kenya)

Barack Obama

(Washington, DC) – In 2005, Kanye West famously claimed, “George Bush [R-TX] doesn’t care about black people.”

Now it looks like President Obama (D-IL/Kenya) doesn’t care about illegal immigrants.

Faced with a border crisis involving tens of thousands of unaccompanied minors arriving from El Salavador, Guatemala, and Honduras, Obama asked Congress this week for $3,700,000,000 in emergency funding to help deal with the issue. Predictably, the request infuriated Congress.

“If President Obama asked for an additional $1 for this emergency, Congress would be infuriated,” said a White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.  “If Congress would pass immigration reform, we probably wouldn’t see the emergency that’s unfolding on the border of Texas.”

But Congress insists it’s the amount of money that’s problematic, linking the price tag to the Federal government’s inability to extend unemployment insurance to millions of Americans. The insurance, which ran out in December 2013, came with a $25,200,000,000 cost for extension.

John Boehner (R-OH)

John Boehner

That amount breaks down to $2,100,000,000 for one month, or $525,000,000 per week. Seven weeks of unemployment insurance would cost $3,675,000,000 – which is just about equal to the $3,700,000,000 he’s requested for the current border crisis.

“The president says he’s compassionate,” said a spokesman for Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH). Yet, he’s willing to sacrifice the well-being of average, ordinary, everyday Americans for the well-being of people who have broken America’s laws.

“It’s clear that the president doesn’t care about the unemployed. He’d rather send seven weeks’ worth of unemployment dollars to the border instead of taking care of America’s unemployed.

“Why won’t you take care of America’s unemployed for seven weeks, Mr. President? Why do you insist on giving the money to illegal immigrants, Mr. President?”

Rick Perry (R-TX)

Rick Perry

Even a discussion with Governor Rick Perry (R-TX) didn’t seem to make Republicans any more likely to go along with Obama’s request. Perry has warned for some time that the current dire situation was coming.

“Governor Perry has said he’d do three things to deal with this emergency,” said a Perry spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Unfortunately, he can only remember two of them.”

Part of the emergency funding would be used to hire more judges to expedite the deportation process, infuriating pro-immigration activists.

“The president needs to decide whose side he’s on,” said a pro-immigration activist spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “You can’t welcome legal immigrants while at the same time deport millions of people who are here illegally. President Obama can’t have it both ways. He needs to be with us or against us.”