Heil In Style!

Sears Ring: "Heil in Style!"

Sears Ring
“Heil in Style!”

(Hoffman Estates, IL) – Sears, a wholesome, household name in America, finds itself on the defensive after “accidentally” offering offensive jewelry for sale.

Some are in shock that one of America’s oldest companies could be involved in such a scandal. Others are in shock that the product sold very well before being pulled from the company’s Web site.

The product in question, a “punk rock style” ring featuring a Swastika, was cheerfully available from the Sears Marketplace Web site with the following caption:

“This gothic jewelry item in particular features a Swastika ring that’s made of .925 Thai silver. Not for Neo-Nazi or any Nazi implication. These jewelry items are going to make you look beautiful at your next dinner date.”

Heath Campbell

Heath Campbell

Original Raëlian Symbol

Original Raëlian Symbol

“Yeah, we thought the ‘not for Neo-Nazi or any Nazi implication’ phrase covered us,” said a Sears spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But I guess we were wrong and didn’t really think things through.

“But it was a good seller. And, like all Sears products, we offered several varieties of the ring. It was available as a gold ring, as a silver ring, as a pewter ring, as a steel ring, and as a Göëring.”

But who would want such an offensive piece of jewelry? Several groups and individuals have come forward to talk up the ring.

Swastika Rehabilitation Week

Swastika Rehabilitation Week

New Jersey neo-Nazi Heath Campbell proudly ordered rings for himself, his seven wives and ex-wives, and his 20 children. In 2008, Campbell gained notoriety when he tried to get a birthday cake for his three-year-old inscribed with “Happy Birthday Hitler.” At the time, his son’s legal name was Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Anti-Semite Mel Gibson reportedly offered to sell the ring on behalf of Sears on the Home Shopping Network.

Ann Coulter: "Sears Did Nothing Wrong"

Ann Coulter:
“Sears Did Nothing Wrong”

The Raëlians – sponsors of July’s Swastika Rehabilitation Week – ordered thousands of rings for their followers.

“It will make next year’s event so much more special!” exclaimed a Raëlian spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

One wonders how much more “special” it will be. On July 12, the group rented an airplane to fly a Swastika banner over beaches in New York and New Jersey.

In spite of multiple apologies and claiming the ring was not offered by Sears, but rather by an independent third-party, many don’t buy Sears’ story about the “punk rock” offering.

“The Police started out as a punk rock band,” said an observer, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I don’t remember ever seeing Sting wear a Swastika on stage.”

The Justice Department (DOJ) is investigating to see if any Federal hate crime laws have been violated.