A Bad Break for Toys “R” Us

Toys "R" Us

Toys “R” Us

(Wayne, NJ) – For years, parents and educators have demanded that children’s toys be educational as well as fun for all ages.

Be careful what you wish for.

Retail giant Toys “R” Us is now educating the youth of America about the world of drug cartels, including the buying, selling, and use of illegal drugs – and the money laundering associated with the profession.

Based upon the AMC-TV hit show Breaking Bad, Toys “R” Us is selling dolls from the show, complete with a sack of cash and a bag of crystal meth.

What’s worse is the dolls’ placement in toy stores: right next to wholesome, child-friendly products.

Breaking Bad Doll ... Complete with Cash and Meth

Breaking Bad Doll
Complete with Cash and Crystal Meth

“We don’t see the problem,” said a Toys “R” Us spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Lots of kids’ toys are violent. Sure, the Breaking Bad action figures cover violence, but with an educational slant.

“Are you going to tell me that G.I. Joe is non-violent? The action figures come with weapons!”

The Toys “R” Us spokesman also pointed out the Breaking Bad product packaging as another reason that the company offers a kinder, gentler toy store.

“The packaging clearly states that the products aren’t for anyone under 14 years of age,” said the Toys “R” Us spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “They must be 15. Period.

“We’re confident that shoppers will abide by the warning. After all, you have to be 18 to buy cigarettes and 21 to buy alcohol. No one ever breaks those rules!

Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

Lindsey Graham

Some members of Congress have weighed in on this latest controversy.

“While the Senator doesn’t want to dampen the entrepreneurial spirit of America, she clearly believes that certain lines shouldn’t be crossed,” said a spokesman for Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), speaking on condition of anonymity. “She’s concerned that Osama bin Laden Ken might soon be on America’s shelves. And that’s just wrong.”

With traditional toy sales sagging – electronic devices are eating away at the sales of board games and puzzles – toy companies have to get creative to keep replenishing their coffers. Fifteen years ago, Mattel announced an expansion of its Barbie doll product to keep up with current events, adding Monica Lewinsky Barbie and Linda Tripp Ken to its lineup 1.

Mattel is ready for another expansion.

Ray Rice

Ray Rice

“We plan to introduce Janay Palmer Barbie just in time for Christmas,” said a Mattel spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Like a Timex watch, she’ll be able to take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’! She’ll even come with makeup to hide the bruises from Ray Rice Ken!

We’ll also introduce [former Iranian President] Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Ken. You can squeeze him and he’ll say funny things like ‘Death to America!’ and ‘Death to the Zionists!'”

Mattel plans on other similar releases, including dozens of dolls modeled after current American politicians, stretching well into 2015. Check the toy store shelves near you!

1 Barbie Turns 40: Takes on Political Theme of the Times. FLATLINE 1999 Apr;1(5):3.