Stairway to Destitution

Led Zeppelin

Led Zeppelin

(Washington, DC) – A week after Democrats suffered Shellacking 2.0 in Election 2014, their political enemies show no appetite for ceasing their relentless, incessant attacks.

The right-wing, foaming-at-the-mouth Tea Partyist branch of the Republican Party is now blaming Democrats for preventing a reunion of the classic rock-and-roll group Led Zeppelin.

The four-member band – comprised of Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones, and John Bonham – formed in London in 1968. They stayed together until Bonham drank himself to death in 1980.

Virgin Group Ltd. owner and multi-billionaire Richard Branson reportedly offered a contract for $800 million to the three living members of the band – plus Bonham’s son, Jason – to play 35 concerts.

Richard Branson

Richard Branson

That’s $22,857,143 per concert – or $5,714,285.75 per person – which is apparently not enough money.

Page, Jones, and Bonham signed on with Branson. But Plant tore up the contract at the last minute.

Tea Partyists quickly seized upon Plant’s decision as an issue of taxation.

“We can completely understand Mr. Plant’s point-of-view,” said a Tea Partyist spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s not that earning $5,714,285.75 per night isn’t worthwhile. It’s that this country’s corporate tax rates are too high. Thanks to President Obama (D-IL/Kenya) and his fellow Congressional Democrats, Mr. Plant would have to pay an exorbitant amount of money in taxes. And that’s just not right.

“Mr. Plant might not be able to buy that eighth house. Mr. Plant might not be able to buy that third Bentley. Mr. Plant might have to sign up for Obamacare. And that’s just unacceptable.

Tea Partyists

Tea Partyists

“We share the pain of all those Led Zeppelin fans that won’t have the privilege of shelling out thousands of dollars per ticket to see the iconic band perform live. We’re going to do everything we can so above-average, extraordinary, wealthy Americans can enjoy themselves while listening to classic music. And, of course, sheltering the band members from paying anything near their fair share of taxes. That’s the American way: looking out for above-average, extraordinary, wealthy Americans, including the members of Led Zeppelin.”

Page, Plant, Jones, and Bonham are British.

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