Ferguson’s Black Friday Sales Sluggish

execLooting in Ferguson: Because nothing says you care about a dead kid and the community more than stealing 50 pair of Air Jordans and then burning the store to the ground!

(Ferguson, MO) – One week after Black Friday, stores in this town are still reporting sluggish holiday sales.

It’s not hard to see why.

The trouble in Ferguson began on August 9, when white police officer Darren Wilson shot and killed unarmed African-American Michael Brown. Wilson was responding to a report of Brown shoplifting a box of cigars.

Protesters and Vandals in Ferguson, MO

Protesters and Vandals
in Ferguson, MO

Black Friday fell just four days after a grand jury’s November 24 decision which declined to hold Wilson responsible for killing Brown. Within minutes of the verdict, Ferguson exploded in a scene of rioting, looting, and burning.

“Holiday sales are off this year all across America,” said a retailer, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But they’re worse in Ferguson due to the recent protests and rioting. I mean, they torched businesses to the ground, stealing everything that wasn’t nailed down in the process. No one needs to buy anything for Christmas because they got it for free!

Eric Holder

Eric Holder

“I guess you could say Ferguson’s retailers had a ‘fire sale’ for the holidays on November 24.”

The Federal government has been following the events – and their aftermath – closely. Attorney General Eric Holder has pledged to conduct a separate investigation into the matter. And President Barack Obama (D-IL/Kenya) appears to be ready for more Executive Order action.

President Obama: "I will be signing a new executive order replacing the word 'looting' with 'undocumented shopping.'"

“President Obama feels very strongly about the incident,” said a White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. So he’s ready to assist as best he can – especially since Congress shows no signs of doing anything about the situation.

“President Obama feels the term ‘looting’ is derogatory and racist. So he’ll be using the power of the Executive Order to change the term ‘looting’ to ‘undocumented shopping,’ which he believes will relieve some of the stigma associated with theft and violence.”