Federal Agency Finds New Ways to Keep Employees in the Dark

Anonymous Federal Agency

Anonymous Federal Agency

(Washington, DC — January 6, 2015) – It’s not unusual for Federal agency managers to keep their underlings from being “in the know” about agency business. But one Federal agency has managed to find a new way to keep its employees in the dark.


Construction in a section of an unnamed Federal agency forced several employees to pack up and relocate elsewhere during the renovations. Moving day wasn’t scheduled until today, but somehow the office in charge of the move didn’t get the message. The results: electricity was shut off to that part of the building – with the employees still inside.

“After viewing the poor results from the 2014 Federal Employee Viewpoint Survey [FEVS], you’d think agencies would want to improve their relationships with their employees,” said a FEVS spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Clearly, there are some agencies that didn’t learn a thing. And that’s sad.”

In the Dark

In the Dark

The affected employees seemed more mad than sad.

“I’m tired of not being informed about things,” said a hysterical, morale-deprived employee, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I’m tired of no heat in the winter and no air conditioning in the summer. I thought I was being kept in the dark all these years. I was wrong. This is a new low.”

The agency’s response, meanwhile, shows that they still don’t “get it” when it comes to employee morale.

“They could have had it worse,” said a spokesman for the anonymous Federal agency, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We could have started demolishing the sheetrock while they were still down there. They should just be thankful to be here.”