Charlie Hebdo Back in Business

Charlie Hebdo Cover: January 14, 2015

Charlie Hebdo Cover
January 14, 2015

(Paris, France — January 13, 2015) – Charlie Hebdo, the French satirical newspaper which lost 12 of its staff when they were attacked and slaughtered by Islamic Fundamentalists, will publish its first issue since the massacre tomorrow.

And it will feature an item for which the 12 paid with their lives: a cartoon featuring the prophet Muhammad, using the French phrases “I am Charlie” and “All is Forgiven.”

FLATLINEgov proudly publishes a copy of the issue’s cover in a show of solidarity with a fellow satirical publication.

Normally a 16-page publication, the January 14 issue will instead be eight pages. Also, instead of its usual 60,000-copy run, reports indicate that 3 million copies will be published for this issue.

Additionally, the issue will reportedly will:

  • be printed in 16 languages
  • be distributed in 25 countries
  • stay on sale for eight weeks
  • make Islamic Fundamentalists really, really, really mad

The State Department (DOS) is still trying to figure out whether or not to send a representative to the Gaithersburg, MD headquarters of FLATLINEgov‘s publisher – the Sick Bird Publishing Company – to show support.

“It’s complicated,” said a State Department spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

“It’s not that complicated,” countered a Constitutional scholar, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We’re either going to stand up for our First Amendment, which guarantees free speech, or we’re not. It’s that simple.”

The three Islamic Fundamentalists responsible for the incident were killed in a shootout with police just days after the murders.