(Auschwitz, Poland — January 27, 2015) – Most of the world is getting ready to commemorate the 70th anniversary of International Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Others are planning to celebrate, and still others are planning to deny.
First commemorated 10 years ago, the date was chosen to mark the anniversary of the Soviet liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camp at the end of World War II – January 27, 1945 – and seeks to remember the Jews, Gypsies, mentally disabled people, physically disabled people, and homosexuals executed by Nazi Germany.
Sears has announced it is bringing back a limited edition version of its silver Nazi ring to commemorate the day.
“With Nazis on everyone’s mind, it only seemed to make sense – both timing-wise and financial-wise – to bring back the ring. It will be available for just a short time. After all, Nazi sympathizers are people, too!”
While somber for most, others have chosen to make the most of the special day. Among them is Alabama teen Breanna Mitchell, who took a smiling selfie while visiting Auschwitz in June 2014. She posted the photo to her Twitter account with “Selfie in the Auschwitz Concentration Camp” – complete with a red-cheeked smiley-face emoticon – as the caption.
“Breanna plans to throw a special party,” said a Mitchell family spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Now, she’s been called all sorts of things. Horrible, untrue things. And that’s why she’ll be serving dishes such as gefilte fish, bagels and lox, and kasha varnishkes. That should prove that she’s not an anti-Semite. Not that she’d be caught dead eating any of that Jewish stuff.”
For his part, San Antonio Spurs player Danny Green plans to host a party in Texas. On October 8, Green offended just about everyone by having a selfie taken in Berlin, Germany – in front of the city’s Holocaust Memorial – which he subsequently posted on Twitter with “You know I had to do it one time lol #Holocaust” as the caption.
“Mr. Green is terribly, terribly sorry about the Twitter posting,” said a lawyer for Green, speaking on condition of anonymity. “He’s sorry he ever had the picture taken. He’s sorry that he put the picture online. And he’s most sorry that he got caught.
“So, he will be hosting a festive party with 100 of his closest Jewish friends. At least, that was the original plan. After taking a headcount of 100 of his closest Jewish friends, he discovered that he doesn’t have any Jewish friends. So it will be just a regular party that multi-millionaires tend to throw.”
While Mitchell and Green will have having a “fun” time on International Holocaust Remembrance Day, other “important” people will be shunning it altogether.
Former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be facilitating the Second International Conference to Review the Global Vision of the Holocaust. The first Holocaust-denying conference was held on December 11, 2006, in Tehran, Iran. This conference will be held in the French town of La Mort aux Juifs. The town name’s English translation? “Death to Jews.”
American invitees include Nevada rancher and melon farmer Cliven Bundy, Kansas white supremacist Frazier Glenn Cross, and Nazi armband-wearing New York City cab driver Gabriel Diaz – assuming they will be granted passports to leave the country.
“We don’t really like the idea of allowing a terrorist like Ahmadinejad to use Americans for his propaganda,” said a State Department spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We feel that Americans should only be used for propaganda against their fellow average, ordinary, everyday Americans.”