White House Announces Retaliation for Netanyahu Congressional Address

John Boehner (R-OH)

John Boehner

(Washington, DC — February 25, 2015) – Calling the upcoming visit by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu “destructive” to both Israel and the United States, the White House has announced its formal reply to the upcoming address.

It’s perhaps not as destructive as an Iranian 20-megaton nuclear warhead slamming into Tel Aviv, but apparently it’s destructive nonetheless.

House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) invited Netanyahu to address Congress – scheduled for March 3 – without first notifying the White House. In doing so, Boehner violated 238 years of diplomatic protocol.

“To not notify the White House is just another slap in the face by President Obama’s (D-IL/Kenya) detractors,” said a White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It just goes to show that, six years on, many legislators still don’t accept that Barack Obama is President of the United States.

“Of course, they also believe he’s a Muslim Kenyan.”

Benjamin Netanyahu

Benjamin Netanyahu

Inter Netanyahu

Inter Netanyahu

Boehner quickly defended himself.

“Average, ordinary, everyday Americans expect us to be working on issuing invitations to foreign dignitaries,” said a Boehner spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And that’s what we’ve done today. Now, if the White House thinks we’ve gone around them, all they have to do is look at the illegal Executive Orders President Obama has recently issued. I guess the foot’s on the other hand now!”

Citing the upcoming Israeli election, Obama will not meet with Netanyahu. Additionally, Vice President Joe Biden (D-DE) will be on travel, and Democratic members of Congress will also not have an audience with him.

“They can cite the upcoming election all they want, but the simple fact is that Obama and Netanyahu hate each other’s guts,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “So their non-meeting comes as no surprise.”

Barack Obama (D-IL/Kenya)

Barack Obama

After months of careful, thoughtful, and painstaking deliberation, the White House has decided how to respond to Boehner’s affront: They have issued an invitation of their own – Prime Minister Netanyahu’s brother, who works as a computer hacker.

“We are pleased to announce that Inter Netanyahu will be visiting the United States next week,” said a State Department spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Inter Netanyahu will be meeting with President Obama and Congressional Democrats to discuss mutual cooperation in the fight against global computer attacks.”

When asked if this story was really true, a White House spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, replied, “It must be true. It’s on the Internet.”