Swiss Miss as Coffee Creamer Causes a Füehrer

Food and Drug Administration

Food and Drug Administration

(Zürich, Switzerland — March 24, 2015) – Switzerland’s largest supermarket chain, Migros, is causing quite a stir with its latest marketing campaign.

Some might even say they’re causing a Führer.

Migros finds itself apologizing for an “unforgivable blunder” related to – of all things – coffee creamers. The lids for the company’s coffee creamers – adorned with landscapes and celebrities – are manufactured by another Swiss company, Karo-Versand.

For reasons still unknown, Karo-Versand added depictions of Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini to their repertoire.

Sears Swastika Ring

Sears Ring
“Heil in Style!”

“The lids are very popular here,” said a Swiss creamer lid collector, speaking on condition of anonymity. “People collect them. But now this unfortunate incident threatens collectors all over the country, poking holes in what was a non-controversial hobby.”

While Migros has continued to apologize and try to keep a lid on the damage to its shareholders, executives at Karo-Versand are adopting a we-did-nothing-wrong attitude – in spite of Migros’ severance of all business ties.

“The images are unproblematic,” said Karo-Versand top executive Peter Waelchli. “Of course it was bad, what happened under Hitler, but you cannot ignore this part of history … I have no problem with the images, but I can understand it concerns certain people.”

Some people are very concerned.

Hitler Creamer

Hitler Creamer

“There’s talk of boycotting Swiss coffee,” said a Swiss activist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But not the chocolate. Or the cheese. That’s crosses a line.”

Karo-Versand seems unmoved.

“We are prepared to take our lumps while this whole thing boils over,” said a Karo-Versand spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

In the United States, Sears is considering selling the creamer while simultaneously bringing back its “punk rock style” ring featuring a Swastika. The ring was offered “accidently” last October before being pulled from its Sears Marketplace Web site.

Hitler and Mussolini Creamers

Hitler and Mussolini Creamers

“It was a good seller, so many of us felt it was shame to pull the product,” said a Sears spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Now that we see other products linked to Nazi Germany, we clearly see that there’s a market for such a thing.

“Just like before, Sears will offer the ring as a gold ring, as a silver ring, as a pewter ring, as a steel ring, and as a Göëring.”

Additionally, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is preparing to ban the creamer from American shelves. Predictably, given today’s political climate, some in Congress are pushing back.

Switzerland

Switzerland

“Banning the Hitler creamers is restraint of trade,” said a Tea Partyist spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Buying the creamer isn’t supporting Hitler. Buying the creamer is enjoying a dairy product to use with your coffee.

“Average, ordinary, everyday Americans want to get together with friends and family and say ‘I want to share my story’ as they pour a cup of coffee and add the Hitler creamer without fear of retribution or discrimination. That’s what our Founding Fathers had in mind when they wrote the Constitution.”

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