A Grave Beginning to a Presidential Campaign

Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

Hillary Clinton

(Scranton, PA — April 15, 2015) – Hugh Rodham’s grave has been desecrated.

That’s as in “Hugh Rodham, father of 2016 presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

The overturned tombstone was found yesterday in Scranton’s Washburn Street Cemetery, which is located on Lafayette Street.

“We’ve never had problems here in the WSC,” said a Washburn Street Cemetery employee, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Things are always nice and quiet around here.”

Hugh E. Rodham 1911 - 1993

Hugh E. Rodham
1911 – 1993

The incident marks the first ghastly turn for Clinton’s 2016 nascent run for the White House. She announced her candidacy on Sunday and is currently in Iowa.

“Mrs. Clinton is upset over this episode,” said a Clinton spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “She hopes the perpetrators are brought to justice. She wants everyone to know that, as President of the United States, she will work to protect average, ordinary, everyday Americans from the pain of cemetery vandalism.”

While there are no security cameras set up at the Washburn Street Cemetery, there appears to be an ever-growing list of suspects.

Hugh Rodham's Grave Vandals Did Nothing Wrong

Hugh Rodham’s
Grave Vandals Did
Nothing Wrong

“Someone said they spotted this lady with black hair and wearing a blue dress running from the scene,” said a Scranton resident, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Another witness provided an entirely different description.

“The creature at the grave was blonde and bony,” said the witness, speaking on condition of anonymity. A perfect fit for its surroundings. It looked unnatural – I mean, not of this world – and it also looked like it enjoyed vandalizing the grave.”

Scranton police are treating the incident as a politically-motivated crime. Anyone with information about the vandalism can call (800) BOO-HILL.