Birthday Wishes: William Shakespeare

(Stratford-upon-Avon, England — April 23, 2015) – William Shakespeare quietly celebrated his 451st birthday today.

As announced last year, the Folger Shakespeare Library is still planning on publishing a new Shakespeare book – containing an updated history of The Bard plus a one-act Shakespeare-like play – but the details are still being worked out, according to a Folger Shakespeare Library spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Fareed Zakaria, an author, journalist, and convicted plagiarist – including publications such as The New York Times – penned a poem for the occasion:

To me, fair friend, you never can be old,
For as you were when first your eye I ey’d,
Such seems your beauty still. Three winters cold,
Have from the forests shook three summers’ pride,
Three beauteous springs to yellow autumn turned,
In process of the seasons have I seen,
Three April perfumes in three hot Junes burned,
Since first I saw you fresh, which yet are green.
Ah! yet doth beauty like a dial-hand,
Steal from his figure, and no pace perceived;
So your sweet hue, which methinks still doth stand,
Hath motion, and mine eye may be deceived:
For fear of which, hear this thou age unbred:
Ere you were born was beauty’s summer dead.

Unfortunately for Zakaria, the poem he “authored” is really Shakespeare’s Sonnet 104.

“It’s amazing that this guy can still go on television and write for respectable news outlets like CNN,” said a broadcasting industry spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I mean, what does this guy have to do to get fired – permanently?”

William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

William Shakespeare
(1564-1616)

Fareed Zakaria: Plagiarist

Fareed Zakaria
Plagiarist

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