Manson Dancin’ Over DA’s Death

Vincent Bugliosi

Vincent Bugliosi

(Los Angeles, CA — June 9, 2015) – World-famous attorney and author Vincent Bugliosi passed away today at age 80, sending worldwide Charles Manson supporters into frenzied celebrations of dancing like wildly-gyrating chickens.

Bugliosi died two months to the day shy of the 46th anniversary of the slaughter of Sharon Tate and four others at the hands of Manson’s minions – commonly known as the Manson Family – followed the next day by the butchering of Leno and Rosemary LaBianca.

Assistant District Attorney Bugliosi successfully prosecuted Manson and three of his followers – Susan Atkins, Patricia Krenwinkel, and Leslie Van Houten – by convincing a jury of Manson’s planned “Helter Skelter” race war. The four defendants were sentenced to death – no small feat considering that Manson didn’t actually commit any of the murders.

Yet Manson and most of his followers are still alive (Susan Atkins died from cancer, in prison, in 2001) largely because their death sentences were overturned – and commuted to life in prison – in 1972. A moratorium on capital punishment went into effect with the Supreme Court decision Furman v. Georgia

With the Supreme Court decision Gregg v. Georgia, use of the death penalty resumed in 1976.

Brian Williams

Brian Williams

Breaking News!

NBC’s Brian Williams claims to have been killed by members of the Manson Family on August 9, 1969.

More details to follow …


“It invokes a time in history when Los Angeles could actually get something right when it came to the courtroom,” said a legal observer, speaking on condition of anonymity. “When most average, ordinary, everyday Americans think of the Los Angeles legal system, they think about gross incompetence. They think about how it let OJ Simpson get away with murder. But with Charles Manson, he didn’t get away with it. He was tried, convicted, and sentenced.”

Charles Manson

Charles Manson

For his part, Manson first issued a long, rambling statement from his prison cell in Corcoran, CA:

“There has been a lot of charges and a lot of things said about me … I haven’t got any guilt about anything because I have never been able to see any wrong …

“I never went to school, so I never growed up to read and write too good, so I have stayed in jail and I have stayed stupid, and I have stayed a child while I have watched your world grow up, and then I look at the things that you do and I don’t understand …

“I don’t understand you, but I don’t try. I don’t try to judge nobody. I know that the only person I can judge is me …

Fun Times! Charles Manson and Geraldo Rivera, 1988

Fun Times!
Charles Manson and
Geraldo Rivera, 1988

“I can’t judge you. I can’t dislike you, but I will say this to you: you haven’t got long before you are all going to kill yourselves, because you are all crazy …

“My father is the jailhouse. Prison’s my mother, I don’t know any other way …

“I have ate out of your garbage cans behind the Market Basket and A&P. I’m always in them cans behind my favorite store …

“Mr. Bugliosi was a hard-driving prosecutor, polished education, a master of words, semantics. He was a genius. He had everything that every lawyer would want to have except one thing: a case. He didn’t have a case.

“My life has never been important to anyone. You want to kill me? Ha! I’m already dead, have been all my life. You expect to break me? Impossible! You broke me years ago. You killed me years ago …

“If I could get angry at you, I would try to kill everyone of you. Sometimes I think about just jumping on you and letting you shoot me … If I could, I would jerk this microphone off and beat your brains out with it, because that is what you deserve, that is what you deserve …”

Charles Manson's Chicken Dance

Charles Manson’s
Chicken Dance

He then followed up with a brief statement:

“I’m sorry that I’ve lost my Best Man. I don’t mean that I think he’s the best man I’ve ever known, I mean I’ve lost the Best Man for my wedding. Now I’ll have to see if I can find Zezozose [Zadfrack Glutz] to stand in.

“Wolf kabob roth vantage? Gefrannis booj pooch boo jujube bear ramage? Jigiji geeji geeja geeble google? Begep flagaggle vaggle veditch-waggle bagga?”

After further reflection, Manson wrote a new song in honor of Bugliosi’s passing – proving once again that he should never be offered a recording contract:

Charles Manson

Charles Manson

Oh, Vince is dead
Oh, Vince is dead
Oh, have you heard
That Vince is dead?

Vince is dead,
Oh, Vince is dead …
His cancer went
Right to his head …

You can see I’m here
But I’m not really here,
I could shed a tear
But I’m not really here,
I could show some fear
But I’m not really here …
I’m still alive
And he is dead!