Republicans Flip Out as They Flip-Flop Away

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump

(Wasilla, AK — June 30, 2015) – For the first time since it became law in 2010, Republicans are thankful for Obamacare.

It covers whiplash.

On June 16, Donald Trump announced his candidacy for President of the United States. During his choreographed press conference (he paid people to cheer him on), Trump accused Mexico of sending its worst citizens to the United States:

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.”
Donald Trump Pinata

Donald Trump Piñata

“First of all, Mexico doesn’t ‘send’ us their citizens,” said a pro-immigration spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “They come here for better lives. They come here to get away from the drug dealers, criminals, and rapists. If Mexico didn’t have drug dealers, criminals, and rapists, their citizens wouldn’t be coming to the United States.”

An anti-immigration spokesman – and Trump supporter – sharply disagreed.

“They’re coming here because they can get Social Security, Obamacare, and low or free college tuition,” said the anti-immigration spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Trump wants to build a wall? I’ll donate the concrete!”

Whether wrong or right, his comments have cost him millions.

Donald Trump: "I love the Mexican people!"

Donald Trump:
“I love the Mexican people!”

Mexican media giant Televisa has refused to broadcast Trump’s Miss Universe Pageant. Spanish-language channel Univision has also refused, and Trump is now suing the network for $500 million. Additionally, Mexico is refusing to send its own contestant to the pageant.

Meanwhile, NBC – which broadcast Trump’s The Apprentice for years – has severed ties with the orangutan-orange-haired mogul.

But there’s evidence that The Donald is getting the message. Just 14 days after insulting 120 million Mexicans, Trump seemed to backtrack with a heartfelt tweet:

“I love the Mexican people, but Mexico is not our friend. They’re killing us at the border and they’re killing us on jobs and trade. FIGHT! “

OK, so maybe he’s sort of getting it.

Mama Grizzly Palin and "Giddy A$$hole" Palin ... You Betcha!

Mama Grizzly Palin and
“Giddy A$$hole” Palin …
You Betcha!

Trump is not the only Republican flip-flopping on the pertinent issues of the day. Bristol Palin, daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has announced that she is pregnant; her fiancé has decided not to marry her. Bristol first posted the information for the world to see with a hint of regret:

“I wanted you guys to be the first to know that I am pregnant. Honestly, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my chin up on this one. I know this has been, and will be, a huge disappointment to my family, to my close friends, and to many of you … I do not want any lectures and I do not want any sympathy.”

Just days later, she abruptly switched course, saying that the pregnancy was not accidental:

“So all you giddy a$$holes need to back off. This pregnancy was actually planned.”

For those who wish the Palin family would simply disappear, it’s hard to understand why anyone would even care about Bristol’s plight, as it is a personal matter.

“It’s a personal matter, but she chose to make it public,” said a high society insider, speaking on condition of anonymity. Other than a form of malignant narcissism, it’s a mystery.”

Others were less kind to Governor Palin’s oldest daughter.

“First, it sounds like she’s the ‘a$$hole’ here.,” said a Palin critic, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Second, I couldn’t care less about Bristol Palin’s reproductive health or choices. And third, I think Mama Grizzly [a nickname for Sarah Palin] should wash Bristol’s mouth out with soap. Or whatever they use up in the sticks of Alaska. You betcha!”