Ted Cruz Boldly Going Off the Deep End

Ted Cruz (R-TX/Canada)

Ted Cruz

(Washington, DC — July 27, 2015) – In an interview with The New York Times Magazine, presidential candidate Ted Cruz (R-TX/Canada) opined that the political leanings of Star Trek’s Captain James T. Kirk were “most likely” Republican, showing just how far off the reservation members of the Election 2016 POTUS Clown Car have gone.

Calling Kirk “working class” and “a passionate fighter for justice,” it’s apparent that Cruz isn’t content with assuming the mantle of the great Republicans that came before him. He’s now reaching 300 years into the future – and it’s a Science Fiction future – in order to polish his credentials.”

Backlash to Cruz’ assessments came quickly and fervently over social media.

Election 2016  Clown Car

Election 2016
Clown Car

Star Trek was as apolitical a television show as you can get,” said a Star Trek historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “In fact, if you really know the show, you know that money isn’t even used in the 23rd century. Our current system of Capitalism is long gone. So you could say Kirk was anti-business, and that’s just about as anti-Republican as you can get.

“Cruz should avoid talking about things he knows nothing about. Or, at the very least, he should beam himself into a wall.”

“Given his right-leaning political views, I’d say he’s more like the evil Captain Kirk from ‘The Enemy Within [Season 1, Episode 5],'” said a Tea Partyist spokesman claiming to also be a Star Trek fan, speaking on condition of anonymity. “In that episode, the transporter malfunctioned and split Kirk in two. The evil Captain Kirk would be more likely to cut social security, welfare, and other wasteful Federation spending.

Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Spock

Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, Dr. McCoy, and Mr. Spock

“And, of course, as a defender of the Second Amendment, he wouldn’t think twice about setting his phaser on ‘kill’ and indiscriminately firing. His first priority would be defending himself and his family – in this case, his crew – from all enemies, foreign and domestic.”

Even William Shatner, the actor who portrayed Kirk in the original Star Trek series, waded into the fray.

“To put a geocentric label on interstellar characters is silly,” said Shatner via Twitter.

Others were a bit more forgiving of Cruz.

“He’s the presidential candidate who’s most-qualified to make the observation,” said a Star Trek fan, speaking on condition of anonymity. “After all, both Cruz and Shatner are Canadian.”