A Not-So-Super Tuesday for the GOP Establishment

Paul Tsongas (D-MA)

Paul Tsongas
(D-MA)

(Washington, DC — March 2, 2016) – On March 5, 1992, cartoonist Jeff Danziger of The Christian Science Monitor drew “The Tsongas Pronunciation Guide (A Random Tsample)” in honor of that year’s Super Tuesday contest. Playing on Senator Paul Tsongas’ (D-MA) name, he said that “Tsuper Tsuesday” was a “big deal in the Tsouth.”

Super Tuesday is still a big deal.

In spite of newly-acquired support from former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke (R-LA) and white supremacists across the land, Donald Trump (R-NY) won seven of the 11 states up for grabs in the Republican contest:

  • Alabama
  • Arkansas
  • Georgia
  • Massachusetts
  • Tennessee
  • Vermont
  • Virginia
Ted Cruz (R-TX/Canada) and Marco Rubio (R-FL/Cuba)

Ted Cruz (R-TX/Canada) and
Marco Rubio (R-FL/Cuba)

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX/Canada) came in second by winning three states:

  • Alaska
  • Oklahoma
  • Texas

Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL/Cuba) finished third with one state: Minnesota.

As he did in Iowa when Cruz won, Trump has called for do-over votes in Alaska, Minnesota, Oklahoma, and Texas. And, as he did in Iowa when Cruz won, Trump readily fired all American citizens living in Alaska, Minnesota, Oklahoma, and Texas.

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump
(R-NY)

The results will be dissected by political pundits – who have been wrong about almost everything during Election 2016 – for days, but several things are, in the words of Hillary Clinton (D-NY), “clear” after last night’s results.

“My biggest surprise was Massachusetts,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I mean, we all know about the resistance to desegregation and the racism found in Boston. But Massachusetts has one of the most generous health care programs in the country. And Trump wants to eliminate Obamacare. What were these people thinking? It must be an errah.”

Louis Farrakhan

Louis Farrakhan

“It looks like Donald Trump has a clear path to the Republican nomination,” said an often-wrong political pundit, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Instead of flaming out, as we all predicted, he’s on fire. I don’t know that any other Republican candidate can stop him now. Even Mephistopheles would have trouble.”

“It’s difficult to see how this happened,” said a GOP insider, speaking on condition of anonymity. “We’ve lost our party. Senator [Lindsey] Graham (R-SC) called the GOP ‘batshit crazy’ a few days ago. If we put forth an anti-Catholic, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, racist, xenophobic bully nominees, she’ll be proven right.”

David Duke (R-LA)

David Duke
(R-LA)

And the nation’s white supremacists like Duke, who is also the head of the National Association for the Advancement of White People (NAAWP), must be dancing in the streets, confident that they have their candidate who will stand up for white rights. Recent video footage of two Trump rallies shows black attendees being escorted out.

Moreover, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan has thrown support behind Trump because his self-financed campaign is free of money from the “Jewish community.”

In spite of all this, Trump’s popularity continues to grow.

“I think you’re seeing history repeating itself,” said a historian and scholar, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Trump says he wants to ‘Bring Back Our Country’ which, for Republicans, usually means going back to America in the 1950s. But Trump is more closely mirroring Germany in the 1930s. I just wonder how long it will be for his devoted Klansmen to turn in their white sheets for brown shirts.”

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