Obama Selects Garland for SCOTUS as #ImpeachThe54 Gains Traction

Merrick Garland

Merrick Garland

(Washington, DC — March 16, 2016) – President Obama (D-IL/Kenya) did an about-face today in selecting Merrick Garland, Chief Judge of the US Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, to serve as the next Supreme Court Justice.

Earlier reports had Obama selecting Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) to fill the vacancy created on February 13, when 79-year-old Justice Antonin Scalia was found dead at the Cibolo Creek Ranch resort in Marfa, TX. Upon his death, he immediately departed for the Art Modell Suite on the 14th Level of Hell.

Turtlehead’s nomination would have made him the first reptile to serve on the SCOTUS.

Supreme Court of the United States

Supreme Court of the United States

In naming a moderate to fill Scalia’s conservative robes, Obama is betting that a candidate who has previously been lauded by Republicans will have an easier time getting through the nomination process.

But that’s assuming Senate Republicans even meet with Garland, much less hold confirmation hearings.

Even today, Turtlehead and his 53 Republican Senate colleagues promised 100% inaction on Garland’s nomination, stating that the American people should get to decide on how to fill the current SCOTUS vacancy, forgetting that they themselves were elected by the American people in 2010, 2012, and 2014. Moreover, Obama was elected by the American people in 2008 and 2012.

Mitch "Turtlehead" McConnell (R-KY)

Mitch “Turtlehead” McConnell

Senate Democrats claim to have the Constitution on their side, stating that the Senate is bound by Article II, Section 2 to consider a Supreme Court nominee.

Anticipating an ugly fight for the rest of 2016, the White House has created a new Twitter handle – @SCOTUSnom – to allow average, ordinary, everyday Americans to follow the expected gridlock and partisan bickering.

Predicting such a delay, the White House has also prepared the Twitter hashtag #ImpeachThe54 should the nominee be held in Congressional limbo.

“If the 54 Senate Republicans don’t want to do their jobs, they’re going against the Constitution, and that’s treason,” said a Constitutional scholar, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And since they’re committing treason, they should be removed from office. Immediately.”

To make things easier for FLATLINEgov readers, here’s the list of 54 Senators up for impeachment:

#Impeach the 54
Lamar Alexander (R-TN) James Inhofe (R-OK)
Kelly Ayotte (R-NH) Johnny Isakson (R-GA)
John Barrasso (R-WY) Ron Johnson (R-WI)
Roy Blunt (R-MO) Mark Kirk (R-IL)
John Boozman (R-AR) James Lankford (R-OK)
Richard Burr (R-NC) Mike Lee (R-UT)
Shelley Moore Capito (R-WV) John McCain (R-AZ)
Bill Cassidy (R-LA) Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Daniel Coats (R-IN) Jerry Moran (R-KS)
Thad Cochran (R-MS) Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)
Susan Collins (R-ME) Rand Paul (R-KY)
Bob Corker (R-TN) David Perdue (R-GA)
John Cornyn (R-TX) Rob Portman (R-OH)
Tom Cotton (R-AR) James Risch (R-ID)
Mike Crapo (R-ID) Pat Roberts (R-KS)
Ted Cruz (R-TX) Mike Rounds (R-SD)
Steve Daines (R-MT) Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Michael Enzi (R-WY) Ben Sasse (R-NE)
Joni Ernst (R-IA) Tim Scott (R-SC)
Deb Fischer (R-NE) Jeff Sessions (R-AL)
Jeff Flake (R-AZ) Richard C. Shelby (R-AL)
Cory Gardner (R-CO) Daniel Sullivan (R-AK)
Lindsey Graham (R-SC) John Thune (R-SD)
Chuck Grassley (R-IA) Thom Tillis (R-NC)
Orrin G. Hatch (R-UT) Patrick Toomey (R-PA)
Dean Heller (R-NV) David Vitter (R-LA)
John Hoeven (R-ND) Roger Wicker (R-MS)