Hijack a Plane Like an Egyptian

EgyptAir Flight MS 181

EgyptAir Flight
MS 181

(Larnaca, Cyprus — March 29, 2016) – A hijacking of an Egyptian airliner ended today with no injuries when the hijacker surrendered to Cypriot authorities.

The hijacker, Egyptian Seif Eldin Mustafa, told the pilot of EgyptAir Flight MS 181 that he was wearing a suicide belt and threatened to detonate it unless the Cairo-bound EgyptAir Airbus A320 diverted to Cyprus.

The suicide belt turned out to be a fake, allowing a kidnappee to take a smilin’ selfie with the would-be evildoer while he showed off his impotent implement of destruction.

The fake belt led to some harsh words from an Egyptian Foreign Ministry official.

“He’s not a terrorist, he’s an idiot,” said the official. “Terrorists are crazy, but they aren’t stupid. This guy is.”

Idiotic responses from American presidential candidates were expected, and Donald Trump (R-NY) didn’t disappoint.

Seif Eldin Mustafa

Seif Eldin Mustafa

“Donald Trump will build a great, beautiful wall,” said a Trump Ministry of Propaganda spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “This wall will be hundreds of feet high, and it will be on the border between the United States and Egypt. As is always the case, you can believe Mr. Trump!”

Others criticized the Egyptian and Cypriot governments for saying the incident was not a terror attack.

“What about this isn’t a terror attack?” asked a counterterrorism expert, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Mustafa terrorized dozens, if not hundreds, of people by stealing an airplane. He stole the airplane. He said he was wearing a belt of explosives. He held 72 people hostage while the plane was forced to fly to the destination of his choosing. Granted, this isn’t the work of Daesh (Al-Dowla Al-Islaamiyya Fii-Il-I’raaq Wa-sh-shaam) [aka the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant (ISIL), the Islamic State (IS), and Al Qaeda in Iraq (AQII], but it’s definitely terrorism. Government officials need to wake up.”

Mustafa’s reason for taking 72 people hostage? An issue with his Cypriot ex-wife.

“Apparently she’s been telling him to ‘walk like an Egyptian’ for years,” said a Cypriot government official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I mean, that has to wear on you over time. No wonder he snapped. Of course, most people wouldn’t do something this extreme.”