(Madison, WI — March 30, 2016) – Outspoken presidential candidate Donald Trump (R-NY) gave himself a bit of whiplash today as he was forced to recant some controversial words about the fate of women seeking abortions.
“The little voice inside his head should have been screaming ‘Abort! Abort!’ before he opened his mouth,” said a political strategist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But, as we all know, Donald Trump has no little voice to serve as a moral compass. The only things that are ‘little’ with regard to Trump are his hands and his genitals.”
Speaking at a town hall meeting in Wisconsin just days before the state holds its primaries, the GOP frontrunner was asked about his stance on abortion. Like his political affiliation, his position on the controversial subject has changed over time. Once a Democrat, Trump was also once pro-choice. Today, the anti-Catholic, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, racist, small-membered, xenophobic bully claims to be both a Republican and pro-life.
Asked by the town hall’s moderator about Trump’s current preference to nationally ban abortions, and what it would mean in practice, the misogynistic candidate claimed “there has to be some form of punishment” for a woman should she decide to violate the ban.
Trump did not specify what kind of punishment he had in mind, or whether his Trumpist Brownshirts would be the ones to dole out the punishment, but once his comments became public at 2:15pm, he found himself being punished from all political sides, as he was attacked by Democrats and Republicans, as well as representatives from both the pro-choice and pro-life camps.
At 3:16pm, a Trump spokesperson issued a clarification, invoking the name of Ronald Reagan (R-CA):
- “This issue is unclear and should be put back into the states for determination. Like Ronald Reagan, I am pro-life with exceptions, which I have outlined numerous times.”
At 4:54pm, Trump had to issue another clarification:
- “[T]he doctor or any other person performing this illegal act upon a woman would be held legally responsible, not the woman. The woman is a victim in this case as is the life in her womb.”
But the damage was already done.
Criticism from the political left was swift and shrill. Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton (D-NY) called Trump’s comments “horrific and telling” on Twitter. Planned Parenthood proclaimed that “women’s lives are not disposable,” and Emily’s List commented that “the last person women need to police their health-care decisions is someone who sees them not as people, but as ‘fat pigs,’ ‘bimbos,’ and ‘disgusting animals’.”
Trump faced criticism from the political right as well. The Susan B. Anthony List stressed that it has never suggested women be punished for undergoing abortions. Concerned Women for America said Trump “doesn’t understand pro-life people” and claimed “the reality is that pro-lifers are compassionate people.” And the March for Life Education and Defense Fund, said that “no pro-lifer would ever want to punish a woman who has chosen abortion.”
“Right,” said a critic of the pro-life groups, speaking on condition of anonymity. “They have never suggested punishing the women who seek abortions, that’s true. However, they have no problem sanctioning the bombing of abortion clinics and the assassination of the medical professionals who are doing their Constitutionally-sanctioned jobs.”
Trump’s latest firestorm threatened to diminish his already shaky poll numbers with women. As of today, he has a 75% unfavorable rating among women.
“That means 25% of women still support this serial misogynist,” said a pollster, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Who are these women, and what the hell is wrong with them? How deranged do you have to be to support such an unhinged, ignorant tool?”
Many who have grown tired of Trump’s tirades found it ironic that he should find himself in such a bind over the topic of abortion.
“If anyone should have had an abortion, it should have been his mother,” said a Trump critic, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I mean, fathering a child by an orangutan is bad enough. Having him potentially being the President of the United States is another. The whole country, not to mention the world, will go ape should that become a reality.”