Trump Chooses Pence Over Pounds

Squirrelhead Donald (R-NY)

Squirrelhead Donald 

(Washington, DC — July 15, 2016) – Thirteen months after he announced his candidacy for President of the United States, and seven weeks after securing the necessary 1,237 delegates to presumably be the Republican nominee, Donald Trump (R-NY) has chosen Indiana Governor Mike Pence (R-IN) as his running mate.

Pence became a hero of the country’s right-wing when he signed Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act PDF into law. The legislation is nothing more than Indianans being given the green light for businesses to refuse service to anyone who doesn’t conform to their religious beliefs.

While homosexuals bore the brunt of the new policy, many argue that Indiana businesses have been equally punished, as other States and organizations announced boycotts of Indiana.

Donald Trump (R-NY) & Mike Pence (R-IN)

Donald Trump (R-NY) &
Mike Pence (R-IN)

The decision also means that former presidential candidate and Trump lap-dog Governor Chris Christie (R-NJ) lost out on the veepstakes. In spite of cozying up to the anti-Catholic, anti-disabled, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, psychopathic, racist, small-membered, sociopathic, xenophobic bully, the portly politician will be on the sidelines for the remainder of the campaign season.

Another casualty of the Pence decision is former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich (R-GA). He had been courted by Trump in recent days, and just today announced that, in light of yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France, there should be a “test” for Muslims in the United States, “and if they believe in Sharia [law] they should be deported.”

Donald Trump (R-NY) & Newt Gingrinch (R-GA)

Donald Trump (R-NY) &
Newt Gingrinch (R-GA)

“Squirrelhead Donald is pretty racist, homophobic, and bigoted,” said a political analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity. “He doesn’t need someone competing with him for those qualities on the presidential ticket. Gingrinch’s comments show he’s just that. I can’t even count how many Constitutional rights Mr. Contract Upon America’s suggestion would violate.

“Also, Squirrelhead Donald has been married multiple times. Gingrinch has, too. Now, Trump didn’t serve divorce papers to his cancer-stricken wife while she was on her deathbed, so maybe he saw that Gingrinch started out OK but then went a bit too far. That’s what Marge Schott had to say about Hitler. I guess even Squirrelhead Donald has his limits.”