Melaniagate Scandal Dominates Day One Plus of RNC Convention

Melania Trump

Melania Trump

(July 19, 2016 — Nuremberg (formerly known as Cleveland), OH) – Opening night at the Republican National Convention was supposed to provide the country with a unified, error-free introduction to Donald Trump (R-NY), the man who would be POTUS.

Following his current spouse’s speech, that concept was shot to hell.

Melania Trump – the third Mrs. Squirrelhead Donald Trump – gave a stirring, rousing speech to the tens of attendees at Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena. The vast majority of viewers weren’t really paying attention to what she was saying; they were instead reminiscing about her nude photo shoot for a 2000 issue of GQ.

Michelle Obama's message to Melania Trump: "Bring back my speech"

Michelle Obama’s Message to Melania Trump

In hindsight, had she given the speech in the nude, perhaps no one would have picked up on the actual words in her speech.

The plagiarized words. Of Michelle Obama.

Following the speech, the Internet exploded over the Slovenian’s faux pas. In fact, whole sections of her speech were lifted from Obama’s speech given at the 2008 Democratic National Convention.

Melania’s speech was supposedly based on her “life’s inspirations” with “little help” from outside writers.

In spite of the negative reception – due to a little thing like cheating – the legions of Trumpist Brownshirts attempted to put a positive spin on the speech:

“In writing her beautiful speech, Melania’s team of writers took notes on her life’s inspirations, and in some instances included fragments that reflected her own thinking. Melania’s immigrant experience and love for America shone through in her speech, which made it such a success.”
Brian Williams Interviews President Lincoln (circa 1862)

Brian Williams Interviews
President Lincoln
(circa 1862)

Critics weren’t buying the spin.

“Apparently, it sounds like plagiarism is an accepted norm in what was once Yugoslavia,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity and referencing the original country of Melania’s birth. “Either that, or they’re a country of criminals without conscience.”

Another possibility: The “outside writers” were none other than Fareed “The Plagiarist” Zakaria and Brian “The Pathological Liar” Williams.

“It would make sense,” said a political speechwriter, speaking on condition of anonymity. “You’ve got two individuals who have nothing to lose. Why not help out another lost cause?”

Republican Platform 2016: "Making America White Again -- One Hate-Crime at a Time"

Republican Platform 2016
“Making America White Again – One Hate-Crime at a Time”