Trump’s Willingness to Debate is Debatable

Roger Grimsby

Roger Grimsby

(Washington, DC — September 7, 2016) – After weeks of flip-flopping, interspersed with deafening silence, Donald Trump (R-NY) agreed to participate in the three presidential debates, slated for September and October, against Democratic rival Hillary Clinton (D-NY).

Whether he will change his mind yet again is debatable.

Squirrelhead Donald first complained that Democrats were rigging the debates – he has also previously claimed that his loss on November 8 would be the result of a rigged election – by scheduling them against football games held by the National Football League (NFL).

On July 30, he told ABC’s George Snuffleupagus:

“I’ll tell you what I don’t like. It’s against two NFL games. I got a letter from the NFL saying, ‘This is ridiculous.’”
Pat Harper

Pat Harper

It’s true that the September 26 debate will take place during the NFL game between the Atlanta Falcons at the New Orleans Saints. Moreover, the October 9 debate will take place during the NFL game between the New York Giants at the Green Bay Packers.

However, it is not true that the NFL sent a letter to Trump.

“Not only did the NFL have no contact with the Trump campaign, but the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD) decided on the debate schedule about a year ago,” said an NFL spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “The NFL, on the other hand, came out with its 2016-2017 schedule about six months ago.

“So it looks like Squirrelhead Donald, once again, is a pathological liar. Surprise, surprise. That’s about as much of a surprise as realizing he’s an anti-Asian, anti-Catholic, anti-disabled, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, psychopathic, racist, schizophrenic, small-membered, sociopathic, treasonous, xenophobic bully.”

Bill Beutel

Bill Beutel

The NFL issue settled as best as it can be, Trump moved on to the choice of debate moderators.

On August 9, he stipulated to Time magazine that he wouldn’t be open to debating in front of certain moderators:

”I’ll have to see who the moderators are. Yeah, I would say that certain moderators would be unacceptable, absolutely.”

“Obviously he’s got a history of misogyny with certain female moderators,” said a political analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity. “No one will ever forget his debasing Megyn Kelly by discussing her menstrual cycle [at the August 8, 2015, Republican presidential debate].

“Of course, he’s also insulted blacks, Hispanics, Asians, Jews, and Muslims, so I really don’t know who would be acceptable to Squirrelhead Donald.”

It turns out that Trump put forth his own schedule and preferred moderators to the CPD:

Debate Information According to Squirrelhead Donald
Type of Debate Presidential Debate Vice-Presidential Debate Presidential Debate Presidential Debate
Date September 26, 2016 October 4, 2016 October 9, 2016 October 19, 2016
Location Hofstra University
Hempstead, NY
Longwood University
Farmville, VA
Washington University
St. Louis, MO
University of Nevada
Las Vegas, NV
Moderator Pat Harper (WPIX) Tom Dunn (WOR) Bill Beutel (ABC) Roger Grimsby (ABC)
Tom Dunn

Tom Dunn

Many are not amused by Trump’s choices.

“If people didn’t think Squirrelhead Donald was unbalanced, sociopathic, and insane before, they should now,” said a media insider, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Pat Harper is dead. Tom Dunn is dead. Bill Beutel is dead. And Roger Grimsby is dead. So he’s saying the only way he can do well in a debate is by being questioned by corpses? Sick [explicative].”

The CPD responded to the Trump campaign by posting its official debate schedule, accompanied by its approved list of moderators:

Official Debate Information
Type of Debate Presidential Debate Vice-Presidential Debate Presidential Debate Presidential Debate
Date September 26, 2016 October 4, 2016 October 9, 2016 October 19, 2016
Location Hofstra University
Hempstead, NY
Longwood University
Farmville, VA
Washington University
St. Louis, MO
University of Nevada
Las Vegas, NV
Moderator(s) Lester Holt (NBC) Elaine Quijano (CBS) Martha Raddatz (ABC)
Anderson Cooper (CNN)
Chris Wallace (Faux News)
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