Politicians Energized on Star Trek‘s Golden Anniversary

USS Enterprise

USS Enterprise

(San Francisco, CA — September 8, 2016) – Science fiction fans around the world today celebrated the 50th anniversary of Star Trek.

They also used it as an opportunity to reflect upon just how far we have to go to achieve [Star Trek creator] Gene Roddenberry’s positive vision of the future.

Star Trek promotes hope for the future,” said a Star Trek historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s a world where everyone is equal – regardless of race, color, creed, sexual orientation, or religion. It sounds like a pretty good place to be.

Mr. Spock

Mr. Spock

“And then, like everything today, politics creeps in, and when you look at the state of politics in America, and you just can’t see how we’re going to make it to the 23rd century.”

Indeed, there were Star Trek references used throughout the day by various politicians from various political parties from various branches and levels of government.

The United States Senate, back in session after a seven-week vacation, should have been working on business that needed to be addressed before their long recess: Funding to fight the Zika Virus. Instead, members of both political parties played politics with a national treasure.

Gorn

Gorn

Senate Democrats tried and failed to advance a measure naming Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) an honorary Gorn.

“It seemed like the thing to do,” said a Congressional staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It honors Star Trek while at the same time equating Turtlehead with an oversized reptile. An honor? An insult? You’ll have to decide.”

The race for the White House was not immune to today’s Star Trek spell. Supporters of Hillary Clinton’s (D-NY) released information linking her main opponent, Donald Trump (R-NY), to a Mugato.

Mugato

Mugato

“It’s well-known that Squirrelhead Donald is the spawn of an orangutan,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “A Mugato is an ape-like creature, so it’s a reasonable conclusion. An insulting conclusion, but a reasonable one.”

Trump supporters quickly fired back with their own Star Trek-to-Hillary Clinton comparisons.

“She kind of reminds me of a Horta,” said a Trump supporter, speaking on condition of anonymity. “An unattractive creature, living underground in the dark, secreting a highly corrosive acid. Sounds about right.”

Clinton supporters responded in kind, calling the comparison sexist and misogynistic.

Horta

Horta

“Also, Star Trek fans will attest to the fact that the Horta is an extremely intelligent creature. So maybe those Trumpist Brownshirts should research their Star Trek aliens before making illogical comparisons.”

For his part, Trump vowed to shake up the military as POTUS. Dissatisfied with today’s generals and senior leaders, he promised to replace many of them while finding others to carry out his “secret” plan to rid the world of ISIS.

“Mr. Trump is happy to announce that his plan for ISIS is to destroy them with the Doomsday Machine,” said a Squirrelhead Donald campaign staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity. “There will be no mercy as its anti-proton beam slices and dices ISIS to ribbons.”

Doomsday Machine

Doomsday Machine

Critics immediately fired back at a strategy based upon non-existent technology.

“His ‘secret’ plan for defeating Islamic Fundamentalists is an imaginary technology from almost 300 years in the future?” asked a Trump critic, speaking on condition of anonymity. “The whole thing is insane. Clearly this anti-Asian, anti-Catholic, anti-disabled, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, psychopathic, racist, schizophrenic, small-membered, sociopathic, treasonous, xenophobic bully has no grasp of reality.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go have a drink of Tranya with Balok. I hope you relish it as much as I!”

Balok

Balok

For those who think using Star Trek in presidential politics is a new phenomenon, guess again. In July 2015, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX/Canada) stated that Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise was, in all likelihood, a Republican.

And in July, at the Democratic National Convention, Khizr Khan, father of a slain serviceman, openly questioned Trump’s patriotism. Squirrelhead Donald naturally responded by insulting both Khan and his wife. Khan’s having the same name as a recurring villain from Star Trek made Squirrelhead Donald’s job a bit easier.

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