Uproar over Hillary’s Health Makes Many Ill

Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

Hillary Clinton

(Washington, DC — September 13, 2016) – As the faux furor over Hillary Clinton’s (D-NY) bout with pneumonia continued, many debated why this was such a hot-button issue this campaign season.

“It’s possible she’s being targeted for being weak because she’s a woman,” said a psychologist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “That’s what people like Donald Trump (R-NY) would like you to believe. That’s what he’s been saying all along, and here’s an opening for him to exploit.

“I mean, here’s an opening he didn’t have to manufacture from thin air for him to exploit.”

For others, presidential health is a big concern, though historically many of the country’s 44 presidents haven’t been in the best of health.

Brian Williams

Brian Williams

Breaking News!

NBC’s Brian Williams, born in 1959, claims to have interviewed President William Henry Harrison just before his death – from pneumonia – in April 1841.

More details to follow …

“William Henry Harrison died from pneumonia one month into his presidency,” said a historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Teddy Roosevelt suffered from asthma. William Howard Taft weighed as much as 340 pounds during his presidency. And Woodrow Wilson suffered a massive stroke in 1919, 16 months before the end of his term.

“FDR was a cripple, largely confined to a wheelchair, all thanks to polio. JFK had many health issues, but his back problems forced him to take massive amounts of painkillers. Ronald Reagan, in addition to being shot, had cancerous polyps removed from his colon. George H.W. Bush vomited on the Japanese. And Shrub choked on a pretzel.

“Other than Wilson, none of these conditions prevented these people from serving as President of the United States.”

Trumpist Brownshirts

Trumpist Brownshirts

But that’s not likely to quell the dissent and distrust being hurled at Hillary, who recently used the term “Basket of Deplorables” to describe the Trumpist Brownshirts who now wish her ill – when she’s really ill.

“Deplorable or not, these followers of Squirrelhead Donald are truly schizophrenic,” said a political insider, speaking on condition of anonymity. “On the one hand, they want Hillary to promise that she won’t get sick or die while in office. At the same time, they’re wishing death upon her. It’s time for them to make up their minds.”