Obama is an American, Trump Declares

(Washington, DC) — September 16, 2016 – “President Barack Obama was born in the United States. Period.”

With those ten words, Donald Trump (R-NY), King of the Birthers, the Trumpist Brownshirts, and the Deplorables, today admitted for the first time that President Obama (D-IL) is indeed a legitimate, American-born citizen.

There’s been no word yet from Squirrelhead Donald’s handlers as to where he stands on the contention that Obama is a Muslim.

The stunning flip-flop, Squirrelhead Donald’s latest, came just one day after an article was published in the Washington Post in which he refused to acknowledge Obama’s place of birth was within the United States. And, as he did today, Squirrelhead Donald erroneously blamed Hillary Clinton (D-NY) for the birth of the Birthers.

“Hillary Clinton did not start the Birther movement,” said a political historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “There’s been exhaustive research, and there’s not one shred of evidence that she ever used the Birthers’ argument back when she ran against President Obama for POTUS in 2008.

But you have to keep in mind that most everything Squirrelhead Donald says is a lie, so there’s no surprise here.”

Critics of the birther argument were understandably relieved yet upset at today’s admission.

“There was no truth in the accusations from Day One,” said an anti-Birther spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And today’s admission, five years after the fact, shows just what a lying sack of [explicative] Squirrelhead Donald is. And he has the [explicative] to call Hillary Clinton a liar.

“I don’t know if there has ever been a major-party POTUS candidate who’s a pathological liar. Or at least at the level of pathologically lying that Squirrelhead Donald exhibits. It’s definitely a spectacle as well as a national embarrassment.”

For its part, FLATLINE will no longer use the term “Barack Obama (D-IL/Kenya)” as a FLESH (FLATLINE Subject Heading) term, instead using “Barack Obama (D-IL)” from this time forward.

“If Squirrelhead Donald says it, then it must be true,” said a spokesman for the Sick Bird Publishing Company, FLATLINE’s publisher, speaking on condition of anonymity. “After all, you’ll never find a more truthful anti-Asian, anti-Catholic, anti-disabled, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, psychopathic, racist, schizophrenic, small-membered, sociopathic, treasonous, xenophobic bully.”

Advertisements