A Tremendous Winner from the Presidential Debate

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump

(Hempstead, NY — September 28, 2016) – The reviews are in from Monday night’s presidential debate at Hofstra University, and conventional wisdom shows Hillary Clinton (D-NY) demolished Donald Trump (R-NY).

But it turns out that betting on “conventional wisdom” may not always be wise.

Squirrelhead Donald and his loyal sycophants – ranging from Chris Christie (R-NJ) to Rudy Giuliani (R-NY) – have passionately insisted that their fearful leader won the debate.

“The legions of Trumpist Brownshirts are assumed to be insane, inbred, right-wing whack jobs,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And those are their good traits.

Donald Trump (R-NY) and Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

Donald Trump (R-NY) and Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

“But in this case – hard as it is to say – they may be right. You can argue that Squirrelhead Donald won the debate.”


A detailed, scientific analysis of 12 catch-phrases used by both candidates shows that Clinton won in repeating only two of them.

“This isn’t to say that one candidate isn’t more annoying or disingenuous than the other,” said a political analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s just that they’re better at hammering home annoying and disingenuous terms.

“I guess that’s a skill. So is lying. And we all know how good both of them are at that!”

Word or Phrase Clinton Trump Total
“Beautiful” 1 3 4
“Believe me” 0 7 7
“China” 3 9 12
“Clear” 6 0 6
4 22 26
“I mean, … “ 0 8 8
“Mexico” 0 6 6
“OK” 2 6 8
“Tremendous” 0 13 13
” … very, very … “ 0 9 9
“You know, … “ 16 10 26
“YUUUGE!!!” 0 1 1