FLATLINE is proud to endorse Donald Trump (R-NY).
But not for President of the United States of America.
The list of fine, upstanding publications which have endorsed Squirrelhead Donald for POTUS is quite thin: the Antelope Valley Press (Palmdale, CA); the Florida Times-Union (Jacksonville, FL); the Las Vegas Review-Journal; the Santa Barbara News-Press; the St. Joseph News-Press (St. Joseph, MO); the Times-Gazette (Hillsboro, OH); the Waxahachie Daily Light (Waxahachie, TX); and the Crusader – official newspaper of the Ku Klux Klan.
It should be noted that many newspapers that have historically endorsed Republican candidates for POTUS have chosen to break with tradition in 2016. The Arizona Republic (Phoenix, AZ), originally the Arizona Republican, endorsed a Democrat for the first time in its 126-year history. The Cincinnati Enquirer had supported Republicans for president for about 100 years. The Dallas Morning News endorsed a Democrat for the first time since before World War II. The San Diego Union-Tribune for the first time since 1868. The State (Columbia, SC) for the first time in 40 years. And the Houston Chronicle gave its second nod to a Democrat in 52 years.
An endorsement from us is just as historic. Next month, FLATLINE will mark its 18th year. In that time, we’ve never endorsed a candidate for POTUS. We’ve been silent on the likes of Al Gore, John Kerry, John McCain, Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, and Shrub. But given the unique, dark tone of Election 2016, we cannot stay silent. So, while not endorsing a candidate for POTUS, we are endorsing Squirrelhead Donald for the following:
- Anatomically Disproportionate American of the Year
- Asian Mocker of the Year
- Bully of the Year
- Catholic Critic of the Year
- Disabled Disapprover of the Year
- Hispanic Hater of the Year
- Immigrant Taunter of the Year
- Muslim Abuser of the Year
- Obesity Offender of the Year
- Anti-Semite of the Year
- Veteran Invector of the Year
- Homophobe of the Year
- Hypocrite of the Year
- Misogynist of the Year
- Narcissist of the Year
- Paranoid of the Year
- Pathological Liar of the Year
- Klan Supporter of the Year
- Psychopath of the Year
- Racist of the Year
- Schizophrenic of the Year
- Sociopath of the Year
- Traitor of the Year
- Xenophobe of the Year
Given the choice of this year’s major-party candidates, endorsing someone to become the 45th POTUS has been no easy task. We, like most Americans, would like additional choices, and we can’t believe that in a country of 320,000,000 citizens, this is where we are. And yet, here we are.
No politician tells the truth 100% of the time. Many lie more than others. But the level of lying and flip-flopping during this campaign has been nothing short of historic; voters have been given whiplash as they’ve tried to keep up with the candidates’ positions. And the campaign promises this year, while grandiose, aren’t ever going to see the light of day. The manufacturing jobs in America, lost since the 1970s, aren’t coming back. The infrastructure simply isn’t there, and Americans aren’t going to want to see their Dollar Stores turn into Ten-Dollar Stores. Likewise, free tuition for every American student isn’t going to happen. Taxes can be raised to infinity; should that happen, the money will be shifted elsewhere – likely into the pockets of Congress’ benefactors: Big Pharma and Big Oil.
But lying doesn’t preclude one from serving as POTUS. According to Article II of the Constitution, only three criteria must be met:
- natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States
- at least 35-years-old
- at least 14 years residing in the United States
On paper, Hillary Clinton (D-NY) is one of the most-qualified candidates – if not the most-qualified – to ever seek the office. And yet questions about her honesty and trustworthiness have dogged her throughout the campaign. More of 25 years of being in the national spotlight has led to chants of “lock her up!” and “execute her!” at Squirrelhead Donald’s Nuremberg rallies. The level of hatred, vitriol, and bile is perhaps the most obscene seen in a presidential race since the days of Andrew Jackson.
Seeing her on the campaign trail and throughout her career with the likes of Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus, Jesse Jackson, Jay-Z, Madonna, Katy Perry, and Al Sharpton, quite frankly, makes us want to heave.
But if Hillary makes us want to heave, Squirrelhead Donald makes us want to projectile-vomit.
We understand that the American political system is broken. We understand that much of America has not recovered from the Great Recession. We understand that many Americans who have “recovered” aren’t doing as well as they might. We understand that poverty, racism, and violence in society still exists. And we understand the need to change all of these things – and more. But choosing change that would take the country back 65 years isn’t the answer.
In the name of “change,” Squirrelhead Donald has unleashed philosophies that gained prominence in the 1930s – in Germany – and which we, the free democracies of the world, thought we had defeated and eradicated in the 1940s.
Americans today are now familiar with the ALT-RIGHT – and know it isn’t a series of keystrokes on your computer or typewriter. We’re familiar with Pepe the Frog, a lovable cartoon character were it not for his ties to white supremacist groups. David Duke – whom Squirrelhead Donald was slow to recognize and disavow, as well as Duke’s Ku Klux Klan – is now running for public office (again) and is now in America’s mainstream.
These hate-filled, inbred Trumpist Brownshirts want to ban and expel anyone from the United States who isn’t a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. What’s lost on them is that they are violating the Constitution, which does not ban any individual by race, color, creed, or religious belief. By violating the Constitution in this manner, they are in fact committing treason. If anyone should be forcibly removed and banned from the United States, it’s these people.
The United States Senate has committed multiple acts of treason during the Obama administration. Turtlehead has refused to follow the Constitution and consider Merrick Garland for the SCOTUS – and many of his lackeys now say they would never consider a SCOTUS candidate during a President Hillary Clinton administration. And Tom Cotton (R-AR) led the charge of sending a letter to the Government of Iran informing them that it had the power to overturn the nuclear agreement reached in 2015.
But Squirrelhead Donald’s treasonous actions regarding Russia are in a class by themselves. He’s openly called upon Russia to hack the accounts of a presidential candidate while cozying up to its psychotic leader, Vladimir Putin. Russia has been testing America’s global resolve for years; what’s going to happen if Putin has a benefactor in Washington?
Thanks to Squirrelhead Donald, Americans are now aware of levels of misogyny never thought possible. In the mid-1990s, Americans were obsessed with a certain blue dress and its place in White House history. In 2016, Americans is poised to put someone in the White House who has bragged about grabbing women by the pussy. He’s claimed he wants to “do” his own daughter. He’s commented on women’s menstrual cycles as a reason for their mistreatment of him. And that’s not to mention his referral of commenting on the physical appearance of women, ranging from ranking them on a scale of 1 to 10 to calling them “pigs” and “slobs.”
And so, America, if you’re looking to install an anti-Asian, anti-Catholic, anti-disabled, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-obesity, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, paranoid, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, psychopathic, racist, schizophrenic, small-membered, sociopathic, treasonous, xenophobic bully at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Squirrelhead Donald’s your guy.
Now, go vote.