Continental Divide

The Statue of Liberty reacts to the results from Election 2016

The Election of 2016

(New York, NY — November 11, 2016) – Thousands of Americans took to the streets on Wednesday and Thursday to protest the election of Donald Trump (R-NY) as the 45th President of the United States.

Like it will matter.

On Wednesday, Squirrelhead Donald called for reconciliation, but if these protests are any indication, that ship has already sailed.

The president-elect was burned in effigy as protesters chanted “not my president!” in cities from New York to Los Angeles, from Philadelphia to Seattle, from Richmond to Dallas. At least one American flag was set on fire, and police made over 100 arrests as looting and acts of vandalism took hold in some cities.

Anti-Trump Protester "Lily"

Anti-Trump Protester

One protester known as “Lily” from Los Angeles called for violence in response to the election results and warned of “casualties” as anti-Trump Americans begin what is essentially a war against the Orange Scourge.

“There will be casualties on both sides,” she said. “There will be, because people have to die to make a change in this world.”

The inflammatory rhetoric drew immediate criticism from Squirrelhead Donald’s skeletal campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, and she called for both President Obama (D-IL) and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) to denounce the protester’s comments.

“So … Kellyanne Conway had no problem with her boss’ constant incitement-to-riot comments from the past 17 months, but she’s taking issue with the comments of one protester,” asked a political analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I’d say Conway’s the pot calling the kettle black, but Squirrelhead Donald thinks black people live in Hell, so that’s probably not the best analogy.”

“They’re upset that Hillary Clinton lost,” said a political strategist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And they’re upset that Squirrelhead Donald won. We get that. But what’s the end-game with the anger? The election was legitimate. It wasn’t ‘rigged’ like Trump had been claiming. So nothing was stolen during the electoral process.”

Kellyanne Conway

Kellyanne Conway

A political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity, pointed out that officials have been committing acts of treason for years – and that protesting against these un-American activities might be a better use of time and effort:

Anti-Trump Protest

Anti-Trump Protest

The political scientist, continuing to speak on condition of anonymity, pointed out that the protesters themselves could be committing their own act of treason.

“Protesting to keep a legitimately-elected POTUS from taking office would, in itself, be treason, too. Is that what the protests are about? Committing treason because you don’t like the candidate who won?

“If they want to protest against something, they should protest the percentage of the electorate who put Squirrelhead Donald into office. And they should also address the concerns of those who voted for him and cast such an unfortunate ballot.”

Indeed, what the protesters are exactly demanding is unclear.

Donald Trump (R-NY) Supporter

Donald Trump (R-NY)

“Are they actually calling for Squirrelhead Donald to step down?” asked a political insider, speaking on condition of anonymity. If so, when? Before the inauguration? After the inauguration? Do they realize that his departure would elevate Mike Pence (R-IN) to the presidency? Pence is a right-wing C-Fundie nut job; he once called for ‘conversion therapy’ to be applied to homosexuals. And, of course, he signed Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act into law in 2015.

“So get Pence to quit, too. Guess who’s next? That’s right! Paul Ryan (R-WI), the Speaker of the House! Who wants Eddie Munster in the White House? Not many people that I know of. But that’s the law.

“So people can go around and chant, scream, bitch, and moan about Squirrelhead Donald not being their president. Unfortunately, folks, he is. At least until January 2020. Or maybe until those ‘Second Amendment folks’ he wanted to send after Hillary decide to turn on him, I don’t know.”

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump

Other observers have noted that it’s entirely possible Trump won’t finish out a full four-year term. Some believe he’ll tire of the job quickly and resign. Others believe he’ll follow through on many, if not all, of his campaign promises FLATLINEgov Fact Sheet; since many are unlawful, illegal, and immoral, he could wind up facing impeachment.

“The impeachment won’t happen for at least two years,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Impeachment starts in the House of Representatives. Eddie Munster and the Republicans control the House of Representatives. As long as that’s the case, there will be no impeachment, and there’s no chance of the House going to the Democrats before the Election of 2018.

“The majority of Americans voted for Hillary Clinton, but in this country it’s the Electoral College that counts. And the Electoral College says that our next POTUS is an anti-Asian, anti-Catholic, anti-disabled, anti-Hispanic, anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim, anti-obesity, anti-Semitic, anti-veteran, homophobic, hypocritical, misogynistic, narcissistic, paranoid, pathologically lying, pro-Klan, psychopathic, racist, schizophrenic, small-membered, sociopathic, treasonous, xenophobic bully. Case closed.”