(Hsinchu City, Taiwan — December 28, 2016) – Students at Taiwan’s Hsinchu Kuang Fu High School chose to honor the school’s 62nd anniversary with a parade complete with uniforms, banners, and a bit of goose-stepping.
For whatever reason, they did Nazi their choice would cause an international Führer.
The theme – honoring Adolf Hitler – was chosen by the school’s students. History teacher Liu Hsi-cheng warned his students about the controversial nature of the subject, but after they voted on the theme – twice – he chose to allow the planning to go forward.
“As a history teacher, he should have seen where this was Göëring,” said a historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And it wasn’t Göëring anywhere good.
“Liu said he ‘should have immediately rejected [their vote] on the spot’ in an interview given after the Wienerschnitzel hit the fan, so to speak. Ya think?!
“And, seriously, why in the hell did they want to ‘honor’ Hitler in the first place? You just have to shake your head in disbelief.”
And so, on December 23, students attended the parade wearing standard Nazi uniforms, complete with armbands and Swastika-laden banners more suited for the Nuremberg rallies of the 1930s – or the Donald Trump (R-NY) Nuremberg rallies of 2015-2016.
At least one student sat atop a tank – made of cardboard boxes – offering a Nazi salute.
“You have to assume that they witnessed an ‘anything goes’ policy with the 2016 election in America,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity, “and so they concluded they could do no wrong.
“They concluded wrong.”
The school’s principal, Cheng Hsiao-ming, has since resigned.
As outrage over the incident spread around the globe, drawing strong rebukes from countries like Israel and Germany, Chinese government officials were decidedly mum on the parade and its fallout. Given that China regards Taiwan as a renegade breakaway province that will someday be “reunited” with China (whereby “reunited” means military invasion followed by enslavement), world leaders expected some kind of statement or reaction on the part of the Chinese.
“Quite frankly, President Xi Jinping and his cabinet were too busy laughing their asses off to make an official statement which would either condemn or celebrate the incident,” said a Chinese government employee, speaking on condition of anonymity.
“One has to wonder what the Chinese government’s reaction would have been if a high school somewhere in the world – any high school somewhere in the world – had put together a Rape of Nanking parade,” said a World War II historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “My guess is that they wouldn’t be laughing.”
Chinese leadership wasn’t the only one laughing. Reports circulated today that members of the Trump Transition Team of Terror (TTTT) were thoroughly enjoying the students’ hijinks.
“Squirrelhead Donald’s Chief Strategist and Senior Counselor Stephen Bannon – who’s also a rabid anti-Semite – seemed to enjoy the parade more than other TTTT members,” said a political insider, speaking on condition of anonymity. “From what I hear, he wishes he could have been there to sit atop that tank himself.”
According to anonymous sources, Squirrelhead Donald supports the students and their exercising their First Amendment rights, apparently ignoring the fact that the United States Constitution does not apply to Taiwan.
“He’s never even read the Constitution, so who’s surprised that he knows nothing about its application?” asked a Constitutional scholar, speaking on condition of anonymity. “He probably thinks Taiwan’s coverage resides in Article XII.”
- Editor’s note: There are only seven Articles in the Constitution; on July 7, 2016, Squirrelhead Donald told members of Congress he’d defend Articles I through XII.
In fact, Squirrelhead Donald’s main supporters in the ALT-RIGHT movement have begun petitioning the incoming POTUS to have the Taiwanese students be part of the American inaugural festivities on January 20, 2017.
“Can you picture it?” asked a spokesman for former Ku Klux Klan (KKK) Grand Wizard David Duke (R-LA), speaking on condition of anonymity. “Rows and rows of our members in white sheets carrying Confederate flags. And following right behind them? A bunch of Nazi-uniformed high school students, carrying flags from the Third Reich, helping us profess our love for both our 1933 Führer and our 2016 Führer.
“Of course, once the inaugural parade ends, the students will either have to be deported or thrown into American internment camps. Them’s the breaks!”
Even if the students from Hsinchu Kuang Fu High School don’t make it to America, a piece of America will apparently make it to them. Sears has offered to provide class rings to the students – free of charge.
“We have the rings,” said a Sears spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “In fact, since the scandal broke [in October 2014] we can’t really get rid of them. So what’s the harm? We’re only too happy to help out our racist friends in Taiwan. You have to admit that it kind of has a nice ring to it.”
Many news sources that picked up and ran this story did so by hiding the students’ faces. Not FLATLINE.
“While other reputable news organizations, such as the Washington Post and the New York Times opted to cover the students’ faces, we here at FLATLINE chose to do the opposite,” said a FLATLINE spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “These aren’t five-year-olds. They’re teenagers. They’re high school students. They know better. And their identities shouldn’t be sheltered in the face of blatant anti-Semitism.
“Pixelating their faces demonstrates that you can get away with appalling actions and not face any consequences. In a year where there seem to be no consequences for one’s appalling actions, we’re showing that there are indeed consequences. These kids want to do something completely disgusting and inappropriate? These kids want to proudly practice blatant anti-Semitism? Then let them share that ‘pride’ with the world.”