(Washington, DC — January 6, 2017) – Throughout his presidential campaign, Donald Trump (R-NY) promised his legions of Trumpist Brownshirts that he would build a wall along America’s border with Mexico. Part of that promise included forcing Mexico to pay for its construction.
To quote Rick Perry (R-TX): “Oops.”
Congressional Republicans today began working on ways to implement the Secure Fence Act of 2006 to help Squirrelhead Donald fulfill his signature campaign promise. However, doing so will violate the Orange Menace’s mantra in several ways.
“The Secure Fence Act of 2006 provides taxpayer funding for a mandated 700 miles of ‘reinforced fencing’ along the border,” said a security expert, speaking on condition of anonymity. “But the border between the United States and Mexico is 1,954 miles. I know that Squirrelhead Donald likes the uneducated, but even an orangutan can see there’s 1,254 miles missing. Then again, his male followers probably can only count to 21 when naked, with his female followers counting to 22 in the same situation.”
“The Secure Fence Act of 2006 provides taxpayer funding for a mandated 700 miles of ‘reinforced fencing’ along the border,” repeated an immigration expert, speaking on condition of anonymity. “So it provides for a ‘fence’ along the border. It doesn’t say ‘wall’ in its title. Is Congress so stupid that it can’t tell the difference between a fence and a wall?”
This point may be moot, as Squirrelhead Donald broke this particular campaign promise in saying a fence – at least in some places – would be acceptable to him.
But perhaps the biggest violation is the actual funding for the project. By using the Secure Fence Act of 2006 as a guide, Congress is committing American taxpayers to paying for the wall … or fence … or whatever the hell is going to be built.
“Squirrelhead Donald promised his legions of Trumpist Brownshirts that Mexico would pay for the wall,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Congress is now forcing Americans – including the same Trumpist Brownshirts – to pay. I can’t wait to see how they manage to spin this as a positive.”
Indeed, Squirrelhead Donald has already taken to Twitter and lambasted the “dishonest media” – for reporting the truth:
“Squirrelhead Donald never said how he would make Mexico would pay for the wall in the first place,” said a political strategist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Now he’s not saying how he’ll enforce the ‘later’ payment. My guess is it’s because he has no way to actually make Mexico do anything. Maybe he’s got it worked out in that little squirrel brain of his, but in reality, he’s got nothing.”
Most officials would agree with that assessment.
On February 25, 2016, former Mexican president Vicente Fox responded to Squirrelhead Donald’s campaign mantra by refusing to offer one cent for the wall’s construction:
- “I’m not going to pay for that fucking wall! He should pay for it. He’s got the money.”
Responding to Fox’s vulgar language, Squirrelhead Donald demanded an apology. He still hasn’t gotten one, and isn’t likely to get one, especially since he repeatedly insulted Fox’s citizens by calling them “rapists” and “murderers” and “criminals” throughout his presidential campaign. Additionally, Squirrelhead Donald has declared war on Hispanics by threatening to deport 11 million of them – though, in another broken campaign promise , he is now saying the number may not exceed 3 million.
The fact that Congressional Republicans, who are known for their fiscal conservatism, are even considering the notion of forcing American taxpayers pay for implementing the Secure Fence Act of 2006 is historic – especially when you consider the Tea “Taxed Enough Already” Partyists are Republicans’ main backers. Squirrelhead Donald has said the “Great Wall of Trump” would cost up to $12 billion, but more reliable estimates place the number closer to $25 billion.
Congressional spending sprees look like a sign of things to come; Republicans today announced they would happily add $1 trillion to the national debt in the name of repealing the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare.
That number is more likely to be $9 trillion.