(Washington, DC — January 22, 2017) – Much was made of The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway’s attire during the inauguration of Donald Trump (R-NY).
Investigators are now checking to see if her outfit may have a link to yet another scandal for the National Football League’s (NFL) New England Patriots.
The Patriots knocked off the Pittsburgh Steelers this evening, 36-17, to earn a trip to Super Bowl LI. They will face the Atlanta Falcons in Houston (TX) on February 5.
New England is no stranger to scandal. Quarterback Tom Brady served a four-game suspension for Deflategate in 2016. And Spygate is also part of Patriots lore.
Just how The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway might be linked to another Patriots scandal is unclear. But she wasn’t invisible during the inaugural festivities.
“Some people thought she was going for the Paddington Bear look,” said a fashion critic, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Yet others thought she bore a striking resemblance to the original logo for the New England Patriots.
“That can’t be a coincidence. But I will say this: It’s ironic that someone who wants to repeal Obamacare, and take away health insurance for 20,000,000 people, could wear an outfit that made people’s eyes bleed.”
If a representative of the President of the United States was showing favoritism – and inside knowledge – for a sporting event, it would mean just one more conflict of interest plaguing the new administration of Chancellor Squirrelhead.
“She wore a tremendous outfit,” said a spokesman for The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It was a beautiful outfit. It was a YUUUGE!!! outfit.
“Quite frankly, we’ve got more important things to deal with, like the press reporting accurate numbers for the inaugural attendance. We still believe they were dishonest in reporting such truthful information, and members of Chancellor Squirrelhead’s team are ferociously combing Washington to find the missing 500,000 attendees. That’s our number one priority.”
There has also been talk of The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway’s outfit being a marketing tool for her own doll. Leaked photos of a prototype Barbie doll have already appeared online. Like First Lady Melania Trump’s line of jewelry, the dolls would presumably be sold via the White House Web site.
“We’re excited to market the perfect representative for those who suffer from Bulimia and/or Anorexia – or anyone who wants to vomit at the sight of her,” said a marketing official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway Barbie will join the historic Barbie lineup which has seen the likes of Ugly Secrets Barbie, Monica Lewinsky Barbie, and Linda Tripp Ken. Good times!”