Patriotism OK – One Day a Year

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump
(R-NY)

(Washington, DC — January 24, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) could have chosen any one of a number of issues to address during his first hours in office.

Not surprisingly, he decided to act on one to satisfy his serial malignant narcissism.

Chancellor Squirrelhead designated January 20, 2017, as the National Day of Patriotic Devotion “in order to strengthen our bonds to each other and to our country – and to renew the duties of government to the people.”

Naming it the “National Day of Patriotic Division” might have been a better choice.

“It makes little or no sense,” said a political historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “First, it’s completely self-serving because we all know it’s a proclamation for Americans to devote themselves to him – and by not doing that, it means you’re not patriotic.

“Second, it sounds like a proclamation Hitler would have made upon his becoming Chancellor of Nazi Germany. All you have to do is throw in the words ‘Fatherland’ and ‘Führer’ and there you go. I’ll bet you did Nazi that coming, but you see where I’m Göëring with it!

“And third, it sounds like you have to be patriotic only on January 20, 2017. What about every other day? It reminds me of the Wash Your Hands Month debacle in New Jersey.”

Several years ago, New Jersey’s state legislature decided to ignore real issues and crises facing the state and instead took up a motion to make September Wash Your Hands Month.

“Nothing like politicians getting down to the real business of the people,” said a political strategist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Not only was it a non-issue, it created general outrage and confusion. Lots of folks were really in a lather. I mean, were people supposed to wash their hands only in September?

Inauguration Day: January 20, 2017

Inauguration Day
January 20, 2017

In the end, the legislation never passed, as the state’s legislators wisely decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

His narcissistic streak was on full display this week as Chancellor Squirrelhead continued to insist that he won the popular vote in Election 2016 – he lost by 3,000,000 votes – and that his inauguration on January 20 was attended by the biggest crowds in the country’s history.

The evidence from those of us who live in a place called “reality” begs to differ.

“The crowd sizes were smaller,” said a National Park Service (NPS) spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And the rides on Metro were down, too. Using numbers based upon our understanding of the Space-Time Continuum just don’t match his.

“You might say his numbers are ‘Trumped-up!’ Or ‘illegitimate’ – just like he’s an illegitimate President of the United States.”

Inaugural Crowd Numbers
Event Real Numbers Trumped-Up Numbers
2009 Inauguration of President Obama
January 20, 2009
1,800,000 “Numbers not YUUGE!!!, OK?”
2013 Inauguration of President Obama
January 20, 2013
1,000,000 “Numbers not bigly! Sad!”
2017 Inauguration of Chancellor Squirrelhead
January 20, 2017
250,000 1,500,000
Metro Crowd Numbers
Event Real Numbers Trumped-Up Numbers
2009 Inauguration of President Obama
January 20, 2009
1,100,000 “Loser numbers, not tremendous! Sad!”
2013 Inauguration of President Obama
January 20, 2013
782,000 317,000
2017 Inauguration of Chancellor Squirrelhead
January 20, 2017
420,000 570,557
Women’s March on Washington
January 21, 2017
1,001,613 “WRONG! Numbers over-reported by the dishonest media, OK?”

Many still wonder how Chancellor Squirrelhead can continue to get away with lying through his teeth, but one observer seems to have an answer which links him to his most devoted followers.

“It would figure that he’s lied through his teeth to such an extent that he no longer has any teeth,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Well, many of his inbred hick followers don’t have any teeth, either. Ignorant racists such as Pamela Ramsey Taylor and Beverly Whaling (R-WV) are perfect examples.”

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