(Washington, DC — January 26, 2017) – Donald Trump (R-NY) has been screaming about how massive voter fraud cost him the popular vote in Election 2016.
He need no look no further than his Trump Transition Team of Terror (TTTT).
At least six of Chancellor Squirrelhead’s closest confidants have been identified as being registered to vote in more than one state. Among the six are Chancellor Squirrelhead’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, as well as Stephen Bannon, Chancellor Squirrelhead’s anti-Semitic Chief Strategist and Senior Counselor.
While it is not illegal to be registered to vote in two states, it is illegal to vote in two states. And while no one is suggesting that any dual voting took place with these individuals, it does raise Chancellor Squirrelhead’s Hypocrisy-O-Meter up a notch – while cementing his legacy of being the first illegitimate president in the history of the United States of America.
Not satisfied with not winning at something, he has called for a “major investigation” into the “millions” of votes that were allegedly cast illegally:
- “You have people that are registered who are dead, who are illegals, who are in two states. You have people registered in two states. They’re registered in a New York and a New Jersey. They vote twice. There are millions of votes, in my opinion.”
Chancellor Squirrelhead contends that Hillary Clinton (D-NY) won the popular vote by 3,000,000 votes only because there were between 3,000,000 and 5,000,000 votes illegally cast. No investigation based on the reality we experience in the Space-Time Continuum has found the “millions of votes” claim to be true.
“He’s the sorest winner in the history of history,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “He wouldn’t be screaming about voter fraud if he had won the popular vote. He only screams about things that make him seem like a loser.
“Bad news: He’s the BIGGEST LOSER of all-time.”
And after complaining about voters being registered more than once, maybe he should first talk to some of the folks in his inner circle:
|Name||Registration #1||Registration #2|
|Stephen Bannon||New York||Florida|
|The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway||New Jersey||Hades|
|Jared Kushner||New Jersey||New York|
|Steven Mnuchin||New York||California|
|Sean Spicer||Virginia||Rhode Island|
|Tiffany Trump||New York||Pennsylvania|
With White House Press Secretary of the Week Sean Spicer left completely apoplectic over the latest revelations, and having nothing left in the tank to continue his rambling diatribe of lies and falsehoods in front of the dishonest media, responsibility for answering the latest charges fell to White House Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf.
“I triple guarantee you, there is no no voter fraud here at the White House, no, never!” proclaimed al-Sahaf, speaking on condition of anonymity. “I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that no one on the White House staff was registered more than once to vote! Those who say that White House staff have multiple registrations have no morals! They have no shame about spreading these lies and falsehoods! And those who lie and tell falsehoods will have their stomachs roasted in Hell!”