Trouble Brewing for Starbucks over Trump Immigration Crisis

Donald Trump (R-NY) Poster: "Fear"(Seattle, WA — January 30, 2017) Donald Trump’s (R-NY) ban on immigrants is having far-reaching consequences, many of which likely were not anticipated when the edict was handed down on January 27.

For some, it’s working them into a froth not unlike the one found on your favorite latte.

Many politicians, nations, and individuals have criticized Chancellor Squirrelhead for his heavy-handed Executive Order – “Protecting the Nation From Foreign Terrorist Entry into the United States” – which bans immigrants, in the name of terrorism, from the following Muslim-majority countries:

  • Iran
  • Iraq
  • Libya
  • Somalia
  • Sudan
  • Syria
  • Yemen
September 11, 2001

September 11, 2001

On the other hand, Muslim-majority countries whose terrorist citizens have attacked America and killed Americans – such as Saudi Arabia, which sent 15 of the 19 September 11, 2001, hijackers to kill 3,000 people – are exempt from the ban because Chancellor Squirrelhead has personal business interests in such countries.

Corporations are now getting involved in fighting the unconstitutional Executive Order. Seattle-based Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz has pledged to hire 10,000 refugees in dozens of countries over the next five years:

“There are more than 65 million citizens of the world recognized as refugees by the United Nations, and we are developing plans to hire 10,000 of them over five years in the 75 countries around the world where Starbucks does business.”

Not surprisingly, sane Starbucks customers have applauded Schultz’s initiative.

“I think it’s very decent of him,” said a customer patronizing the Starbucks located at 90th Street and First Avenue in Manhattan, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Anything to counter Chancellor Squirrelhead’s draconian policies.”

Also not surprisingly, a sizable number of uneducated, inbred Trumpist Brownshirts are offended by Schultz’s plans and have taken to Facebook and Twitter to protest.

Boycott Starbucks

Boycott Starbucks

“Why don’t they hire Americans?” asked a Trumpist Brownshirt, speaking on condition of anonymity. “There are billions of Americans out of work thanks to [President Barack] Obama’s (D-IL) failed economic policies. I mean, unemployment is at 328%. Either Starbucks should hire Americans or they should go out of business. Boycott Starbucks!”

Typical of normal everyday uneducated, inbred Trumpist Brownshirts, the facts cited are shockingly incorrect. Today’s unemployment numbers are under 5%; when Obama took office, the number was close to 10%. Moreover, the United States of America has about 330,000,000 citizens; the only countries with at least 1,000,000,000 citizens are China and India.

“If these people would stop spewing the vile bile peddled by Fox News, they’d be much better off,” said an economist, speaking on condition of anonymity.

Trumpist Brownshirt: "No more Starbucks for me!"

Trumpist Brownshirt: “No more Starbucks for me!”

And while the uneducated, inbred Trumpist Brownshirt made a good point about Starbucks needing to employ Americans, it should be noted that Schultz’s statement addresses his plans to hire 10,000 in 75 countries other than the United States.

“If any of these #BoycottStarbucks Twitter Resource inbred Trumpist Brownshirts want one of the 10,000 jobs, they’ll have to move to a place like Kreplachistan,” said an industry analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Otherwise, they should just shut the hell up.”

There seems to be common ground, however, on both sides of the divide when it comes to another Starbucks issue: Coffee prices.

“I do think that charging $10 for a cup of coffee is outrageous and uncalled for,” said a Starbucks critic, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s a disgrace and an outrage. And the coffee isn’t even that good. I prefer Dunkin’ Donuts any day of the week.”

And then there are those who simply don’t like coffee, period.

“Coffee makes me nervous when I drink it,” said an individual only known as “Karl” and speaking on condition of anonymity. “Mmm-hmmm.”