To Boldly Go Where No Narcissist Has Gone Before

Space Shuttle Challenger STS-51L

Space Shuttle Challenger

(Washington, DC — February 1, 2017) – Most of the world today marked the 14th anniversary of the destruction of the Space Shuttle Columbia with somber reflection.

And then you have a narcissist’s point-of-view.

Donald Trump (R-NY) offered specially-prepared remarks on the anniversary, expanded to include the recent anniversaries of other space tragedies. January 28 marked the 31st anniversary of the destruction of the Space Shuttle Challenger. And January 27 marked the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 1 fire.

On January 27, 1967, the Apollo 1 capsule caught on fire while on the ground, and the three astronauts burned to death before they could get out.

On January 28, 1986, the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded 73 seconds after liftoff from Cape Canaveral, FL, killing all seven aboard.

On February 1, 2003, the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated upon re-entry over Texas, killing all seven aboard.

The names of those lost:

Apollo 1 Challenger Columbia
  • Roger Chaffee
  • Virgil “Gus” Grissom
  • Edward White
  • Gregory Jarvis
  • Christa McAuliffe
  • Ronald McNair
  • Ellison Onizuka
  • Judith Resnik
  • Francis Scobee
  • Michael Smith
  • Michael Anderson
  • David Brown
  • Kalpana Chawla
  • Laurel Clark
  • Rick Husband
  • William McCool
  • Ilan Ramon
Space Shuttle Columbia (STS-107)

Space Shuttle Columbia

Chancellor Squirrelhead promptly referred to the 17 lost astronauts as “losers”

“Some will say that these astronauts were heroes. Well, I don’t consider them to be heroes. They’re losers. Now, I like astronauts. But I don’t like astronauts who die in fires or die when taking off or die when landing.”

Chancellor Squirrelhead added that he saw both the Challenger explosion and the Columbia disintegration from his office at Trump Tower in midtown Manhattan:

“I saw the disasters first-hand, OK? They were tremendous disasters, OK? They were YUUUGE!!! disasters, believe me! I watched them with my own eyes, OK? And I saw thousands of Muslims cheering in Jersey City (NJ) as pieces of the shuttles crashed to the ground, OK?”

“It’s absolutely impossible that he’s telling the truth,” said an aerospace industry insider, speaking on condition of anonymity. “How in the hell are you supposed to see these events as they’re unfolding when they’re thousands of miles away? I would call the claims ‘stupid’ but that would be insult to most other stupid, idiotic statements made by people on a daily basis.

“Somebody should set their phasers on ‘kill’ or beam this guy into a wall. And I mean quickly – warp speed, if you know what I mean.”