Don’t Know Much about Black History Month

Frederick Douglass and Donald Trump (R-NY)

Frederick Douglass and
Donald Trump (R-NY)

(Washington, DC — February 2, 2017) – The Trump administration today committed a dual faux pas in trying to be respectful in honoring Black History Month.

“Chancellor Squirrelhead” and “respect” don’t exactly go together.

At a Black History month event, Chancellor Squirrelhead invoked the name of abolitionist Frederick Douglass:

“Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice.”

The problem? Frederick Douglass died in 1895.

“It’s doubtful Chancellor Squirrelhead even knows who Frederick Douglass was,” said a historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “If he knew, he’d know that Douglass was an escaped slave who fought against slavery before, during, and after the Civil War. So if he’s still alive, he’s doing well for someone who’s 199.

“But Chancellor Squirrelhead should be very familiar with the Frederick Douglass Memorial Bridge in Washington, DC. After all, he coordinated its renovation in 2007 – and then, in true form, stiffed the contractors.”

As if Douglassgate wasn’t a bad enough way to begin Black History Month, Vice-President Mike Pence (R-IN) committed his own indiscretion in the form of an insensitive tweet:

Mike Pence: "As Black History Month begins, we remember when Pres. Lincoln submitted the 13th Amendment, ending slavery, to the states #NationalFreedomDay"

“There’s nothing black people like more during Black History Month than being reminded of slavery,” said a member of the Congressional Black Caucus, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Because the main contribution black people have made to America is escaping slavery. Right.

“And a close second? Giving kudos to a white person during Black History Month. Yes, Lincoln freed the slaves, but he initially just wanted to stop the spread of slavery, not abolish it.

Mike Pence (R-IN)

Mike Pence

“Pence is such an intolerant idiot that he probably thinks of Lincoln either as a car or a bedroom.”

Many saw the dual faux pas as self-inflicted as they tried to figure out what exactly the goal of the administration was.

“I’m not really even sure why Chancellor Squirrelhead even wants to acknowledge Black History Month,” said a spokesman for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), speaking on condition of anonymity. “After all, he thinks we all live in Hell.”