Bowling Green Massacre the “Most Tremendous” Massacre Ever

(Bowling Green, KY — February 4, 2017) – An outpouring of grief, anger, and condolences continued today for those affected by the tragic events of Kentucky’s Bowling Green Massacre.

Sadly, there is no such thing as the Bowling Green Massacre.

The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway

The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway

In spite of this fact, recent polls of uneducated, inbred Trumpist Brownshirts show that the Bowling Green Massacre has more historical significance than “real” massacres, such as the Battle of the Little Bighorn, or Custer’s Last Stand, in June 1876. Indeed, they are taking a cue from Donald Trump (R-NY) himself in believing the Bowling Green Massacre to be the “most tremendous” massacre in American history.

The issue came to the forefront of America’s collective conscience when The Skeletal Kellyanne Conway defended Chancellor Squirrelhead’s banning immigrants from seven Muslim-majority countries by citing the event during an interview on MSNBC on February 2:

“Two Iraqis came here to this country, were radicalized, and they were the masterminds behind the Bowling Green Massacre. Most people didn’t know that because it didn’t get covered.”

As it turns out, the two Iraqis – Mohanad Shareef Hammadi and Waad Ramadan Alwan – were radicalized in Iraq, built Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs) in Iraq, used IEDs in Iraq, and killed six American servicemen in Iraq.

In 2013, the men plead guilty to Federal terrorism charges. Hammadi was sentenced to life in Federal prison; Alwan was sentenced to 40 years in Federal prison, followed by a life term of supervised release.

The misinformation has led to various monuments and tributes being erected around the country. In Bowling Green, a commemorative plaque erected by the National Park Service (NPS) was placed at the non-existent site of the slaughter:

Commemorative Plaque for the Bowling Green Massacre from the National Park Service (NPS)

And in the lobby of Trump Tower – aka the White House North – a commemorative plaque listing the names of those killed in Bowling Green (KY) during the massacre was hastily fastened to the lobby wall with duct tape:

Blank Plaque

“Not only is Chancellor Squirrelhead trying to rewrite history, he’s trying to create new history by making it up from scratch,” said a historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And since he likes the uneducated, and since it’s the uneducated who are blindly following him, they won’t really know what’s “real” and what’s “real real” anymore.


Of course, it’s remotely possible that the massacre being referenced has nothing to do with Iraq. On February 12, 2014, Bowling Green’s National Corvette Museum experienced a sinkhole into which eight classic cars fell:

Bowling Green Massacre at the National Corvette Museum

“Now that was a massacre,” said a Kentucky historian, speaking on condition of anonymity. Those poor cars! Oh, the humanity!

“Though I’m sure someone got a (turbo)charge out of the whole thing.”