Atlanta Burning

(Houston, TX — February 6, 2017) – The Atlanta Falcons suffered a 34-28 defeat yesterday at the hands of the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LI.

Tom Brady

Tom Brady

It looks like Atlanta’s punishment is just beginning.

The historic Super Bowl featured the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history (25 points; New England was down 28-3) as well as the first overtime game. Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, 39, passed for a Super Bowl record 466 yards, completing 43 of 62 passes.

It was a remarkable end to a season in which Brady was suspended for the first four games due to Deflategate. For Brady and Patriots Nation, it was the ultimate redemption.

And while the kudos for the Patriots continued to roll in today, the Falcons were forced to wonder “what if” as they got ready to pack up for the season. But the criticism of their epic collapse didn’t just come from armchair sports pundits and Falcons fans. Never one to shy away from spewing bile, Donald Trump (R-NY) had to tweet a word in:

Chancellor Squirrelhead: "Atlanta Falcons blew tremendous 25-point lead in SB LI, OK? Falcons players are losers! Falcons fans are losers! Ordering military to send in YUUUGE!!! number of troops to Atlanta. General Sherman will burn Atlanta to the ground, OK? Losers deserve it, OK? Sad!"

William Tecumseh Sherman

William Tecumseh Sherman

“Glad to see Chancellor Squirrelhead’s is a compassionate human being – NOT!” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “And I’m glad he’s still demonstrating he’s a complete idiot. Four days ago he claimed Frederick Douglass is still alive. And now he thinks William Tecumseh Sherman, a Civil War hero who died in 1891, is also alive and well.

“And now he wants a repeat of a battle from 1864? A battle which lead to Sherman’s scorched-earth policy, during everything from Atlanta to the Atlantic Ocean? What’s the worst that could happen?

“If his goal is to be a 100% clueless SOB, Chancellor Squirrelhead is doin’ a heck of a job.”

A second tweet shows that he has ulterior motives in dealing with Atlanta:

Chancellor Squirrelhead: "Atlanta Falcons blew tremendous 25-point lead in SB LI, OK? Bad hombre Dems keep saying I lost Atlanta popular vote, OK? Loser Dems won't admit I won by a tremendous number, just like I won national popular vote, believe me! Sad!"

“Glad to see Chancellor Squirrelhead’s is still fuming about not winning 100% of the vote,” said a political observer, speaking on condition of anonymity. Know who else likes getting 100% of the vote? [North Korea’s] Kim Jong-Un and [Syria’s] Bashar al-Assad. And know who used to like getting 100% of the vote? [Iraq’s] Saddam Hussein.

“He’s a bully in good company.”

In reality, Chancellor Squirrelhead lost Atlanta’s Fulton County – by a wide margin. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) won 281,875 votes or 69.2%. In comparison, Chancellor Squirrelhead won 110,372 votes, or 27.1%. Still, in the end, he won Georgia and its 16 electoral votes.

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