White House to California: Dam It!

Oroville Dam Auxiliary Spillway

Oroville Dam Auxiliary Spillway

(Washington, DC — February 13, 2017) – The danger posed from California’s Oroville Dam lessened a bit today, as the water level of Lake Oroville, about 75 miles north of Sacramento, dropped to allow everyone to take a step back from yesterday’s full-crisis mode.

Reaction from the White House over the entire episode? Nothing.

The main emergency spillway for the 770-foot-high dam – besting Hoover Dam by 44 feet – experienced erosion earlier this month, leading to a gaping hole which, in turn, allowed water to overtop the spillway when the lake rose by more than a foot over the level in which the spillway is activated.

The concept of California having a water-related emergency – that didn’t involve a lack of water resources – seems surreal to many. But after enduring years of drought, California in many areas now has too much water to handle. Its average annual rainfall is 50 inches, but the state already has 68 inches in 2017.

“The lake contains 3.5 million acre-feet of water,” said a spokesman from the California Department of Water Resources (DWR), speaking on condition of anonymity. “That’s roughly 1,140,478,500,000 gallons of water. If the dam were to rupture, a lot of people would find themselves having a really, really bad day.”

Donald Trump (R-NY)

Donald Trump
(R-NY)

To that end, a mandatory evacuation led to 188,000 evacuees having to endure massive traffic jams and journeys lasting for hours. There is no word on when residents will be allowed to return.

During such an emergency, one might expect the White House to give regular briefings on relief efforts and assistance being provided by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). But there have been neither White House briefings nor assistance from FEMA.

Who’s surprised?

“Don’t forget that Donald Trump (R-NY) lost California by 4,270,000 votes,” said a political analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity. “He can’t be too happy about that, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see this vengeful, spiteful bastard to withhold assistance to those ungrateful American citizens who weren’t fortunate enough to vote for him.

“That’s yet another unconstitutional act, not to mention inhumane. No wonder he’s known as the first illegitimate President of the United States!”

But there may be an explanation other than vengeance: Chancellor Squirrelhead may simply be too busy with other issues to pay attention to California’s plight.

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“It’s a full-time job to complain about and insist that you actually won Election 2016 because 3,000,000 illegal votes were cast,” said a political scientist, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Of course, this is 100% false, but that doesn’t keep the White House from repeating it.

“And since when has this White House been dedicated to the truth?”

The Trump Transition Team of Terror (TTTT) also has its hands full in selling Ivanka Trump’s products while chastising the likes of Nordstrom’s and Sears.

The current administration also finds it itself having to deal with the fallout of two deadly radial Islamic terror attacks: the Bowling Green Massacre and the Atlanta Massacre.

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